“Do I forgive him [boyfriend who introduced her to the world of prostitution]? Not in the traditional sense of the word. He feels guilty, so much so that he cannot accept the share of blame logic apportions to him, and while he cannot accept his own responsibility he cannot ask for forgiveness, and so it follows that while he cannot ask for it, I cannot grant it in the conventional sense….”

“Although I know forgiveness has happened here independent of either an apology or a request for it, I would be deeply moved if one day my former pimp asked me to forgive him, though I know he never will and it’s kind of sad in a way, because unless he happens to read this book his refusal to accept culpability means he’ll never know he was long-ago forgiven.”

-Rachel Moran, Paid For – My Journey through Prostitution: Surviving a Life of Prostituion and Drug Addiction on Dublin’s Streets, Dublin: Gill & Macmillan, 2013,  pp 189, 190

I believe forgiveness is useless for the other party as long as the other party is unwilling to accept responsibility for the wrong that they committed. In a sense, the other part remains unforgiven in that state.

We can “forgive” in the sense of making it available. However, it is no good to them as the second quote above notes apart from them receiving the gift through accept responsibility for their wrong behavior.

So, in a sense, we are unable to fully forgive apart from our Cheater accepting responsibility. Yet in another sense, we can give the injustices to God for Him to handle and move on with our lives in an act of forgiveness setting us free from being “the Judge.”

It is both, I think.

I can relate to the author feeling a sense of sadness about the offender never discovering forgiveness because he won’t face and accept his responsibility–aka need for forgiveness. This feels right.

Our Cheaters are sad, pitiable creatures, because they will never find forgiveness as long as they continue to reject their responsibility in abusing us.