On Our 28th Anniversary: A Celebration of Marriage in 3’s

“She’s found her match and he has his,” they whispered when we left.

That, I’ve since learned, was said of Jim and me. That, I’ve since learned, has been true of Jim and me for our last 29 years as one. 

In Celebration of Marriage

Marriage is no mean feat. Faithful husbands and wives, cheerfully united, are to be celebrated. To my core, I believe this. To my marrow, I feel this. Because marriage tests my mettle like nothing else. 

Jim has angered and irked, tested and tried, frustrated, annoyed and loved me like none other. To be fair, I’ve done the same to him. He’s blocked my way many times—in big things like career, home and children and small things like more books and more ice cream—and lovingly hemmed me in. He has encouraged me to be modest and content and trust God to fulfill my bucket-list in the new earth and the new heavens if we don’t go to Greece now. Jim does not “cater” to me. He has never been wrapped around my little finger, or any other finger, and he is not at my beck and call.

It strikes me as I type this, that that means Jim has been something like God to me. He is not God nor does he want to be and he’ll assure you I don’t treat him like such. But maybe, I wonder if I should, more. But that “With my body, I thee worship” was in the groom’s vow, right? 

Marriage has grown me in ways that nothing else could. Or at least nothing I can imagine.

Because all the hard, Christ-conforming parts of marriage came after a sacred promise, made in the presence of two or three hundred souls at Mt. Zion Church in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin at one o’clock on Saturday, January 4th, 1997. It was a covenant till death do us part—sober and grave and wondrous.

It has been a seedbed of Christian growth like nothing else—for independent, assertive, headstrong, proud me—could ever be. 

3 (More) Reasons I’m Glad I Married Jim

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

—Ephesians 5:31-33

On our 25th anniversary, I shared 10 reasons I’m glad I married Jim. Today, three years later, I’d like to share three more: 

1. He loves the least of these. He fixes cabinets for widows and has a huge heart for the down and out. He is a compassionate, long-suffering landlord who is far more patient and compassionate with irresponsible tenants than I would be. 

2. He loves his mother. Watch how a man treats his mom, I’ve heard, and you’ll probably know how he’ll treat his wife. Jim calls his mom and cares in heavy-lifting, ride-sharing ways. He also writes thoughtful to his siblings. Jim is kind. 

3. He has zero desire to impress the world. Honestly, it irks me sometimes how not worldly Jim is. He is not out to impress. Sometimes I am. Jim drives a small, simple car, buys his best garms at Goodwill, and does not own a single iDevice.

Jim is not on any social media and does not propel me toward fame or help me find followers. He does not prop me up or propel me on toward big, noteworthy things. He pushes me to still and quiet my soul.

Which in God’s provision, I trust, is exactly what I need. 

3 (Thomas) Marriage Quotes 

“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

—Jesus, in Matthew 19:5-6

A few years ago I shared eight favorite marriage quotes. They’re still favorites. But on our 28th, I’ll add three more, three Thomas quotes.

1. There is no such fountain of comfort on earth, as marriage. —Thomas Adams

2. There is no society more near, more entire, more needful, more kindly, more delightful, more comfortable, more constant, more continual, than the society of man and wife, the main root, source, and original of all other societies. –Thomas Gataker

3. Christianity does not direct us to focus on finding the right person; it calls us to become the right person. —Gary Thomas

By God’s grace, these are true. 

3 (Simple) Marriage Safeguards

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

—Hebrews 13:4

It is only by God’s strong and sufficient grace that our marriage has lasted. Full stop. 

And God’s grace comes in certain tangible ways. We call those means of grace. Here are three means of grace that have helped to preserve our marriage. 

1. I include Jim or the man’s wife when I email or text a man. Why? Because I’ve seen too many affairs of body and mind start with private words exchanged. So, yes, if I praise my pastor’s sermon, I will CC Jim, or the pastor’s wife. It’s a guardrail. 

2. I try to praise Jim to others. Others include those sympathetic to me or to Jim or completely disinterested. Any others. That does not mean we haven’t sought counsel together. It does mean I don’t put a wedge between us by complaining about him.

3. We sleep together. Actually. The two-bed marriage is far more common than I knew. There are valid reasons. But sleeping in the same bed where I (accidently) tug his covers and his snore (unaware) wakes me may be the only time we’re together all day. Sharing a bed is good.

Thanks for celebrating with us, in threes. That is grace.

‘Twas grace that brought us safe thus far. And grace will lead us home. 

Thank you for reading this, friend. And sincere, heartfelt thanks to each of you who in one way or another have supported the marriage of these two souls who met their match 28 years ago today.