Remembering the Childless on Mother’s Day
Every Mother’s Day I experience the same mix of complicated emotions. I’m very grateful to be able to celebrate my own wonderful mother and know how blessed I am that she’s still with us. But I also always feel a wave of sadness that I’m not a mother myself. People point out to me, “But you’re a stepmom,” or “You’re a pet mom.” I certainly cherish those roles, but to me it’s not the same.
Mother’s Day is pretty much the only thing that still bothers me on the topic of motherhood. I’ve even developed a thick enough skin to not be bothered when people ask me if I have kids (which is basically constantly, because it’s the default question all people ask one another). But Mother’s Day…that’s just a whole other level. For me it’s largely because churches always make such a big deal about it (and I’m happy for mothers that they do!).
Church on Mother’s Day is my least favorite church service of the year. Sometimes I go and sometimes I don’t, depending on how I’m holding up. I know this will raise eyebrows and plenty of people will say I should go, anyway. But I’ve learned to show compassion to myself on this topic, so I always play it by ear.
For those who relate to what I’m saying here, let me share the three things I do to get through Mother’s Day. First, I call or text every mother I can think of and wish them a happy day. I share in their joy to decrease my own lack thereof. Philippians 2:4 talks about “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Nothing lifts my spirits like getting the focus off of myself!
Secondly, I pray for the mothers I know and for those who, like me, are childless. I ask the Lord to bring us all peace in the specific ways we need it (see the prayer I wrote connected to this devotional).
Thirdly, I remind myself that women are all mothers in some way. Think about the young people we encourage. Think about the special roles we fill for young relatives and the children of our friends. Think about our community service and church volunteerism. These are all acts of motherhood. And in these acts, we are all united.
An important aspect of Daybreak Devotionals is to be honest and real to help women feel less alone. So when I was given this topic, I had two choices: write an inauthentic, happy fluff piece or be honest. I obviously chose the latter. I haven’t seen much written from the perspective I offer, and I think it’s a valid one that needs to be acknowledged in the Christian arena.
In closing, if you’re struggling this Mother’s Day, I encourage you to reach out to someone. If you don’t feel like anyone in your life understands what you’re going through, please feel free to contact me. Or reach out to the amazing folks at Crossmap. They would love to connect and pray with you. And if you are a mother, please take a moment to consider those who aren’t (Philippians 4:2 comes to mind again) as we do our best to honor you on your big day. Check on us and remember us in your prayers. It would mean more than you’ll probably ever know.
Questions for Reflection:
1. If you relate to my own story shared above, how can the strategies I suggest help you this Mother’s Day? What would you add to my list?
2. If you are a mother, how has this post increased your understanding of what those like me are going through on Mother’s Day? How can you reach out to childless women you know to help them feel supported and understood?
3. I find that churches almost always focus their women’s programming on motherhood. How can your church hold space for childless women and help them feel included and appreciated? Conversely, how do you think childless women can be more supportive of mothers?
