Resilience and Regrowth — Grateful, yet Grieving
Last week, I had to take online courses to renew my marriage & family therapist license. Over four days, I spent 16 hours on my computer to listen and learn about grief. It was a lot. I was exhausted at the end of the week. It was also good to see what I did know and learn more about the multidimensional components of grief. The last speaker shared something that I had heard once before: the concept of Post-Traumatic Growth. Here’s a summary of what Alex Mammadyarov, LMHC, said:
Through the grieving process, you become vulnerable yet stronger.
There is a greater appreciation of life and living more vividly.
Life becomes more meaningful and deliberate.
There’s a deeper understanding of self, especially in the spiritual realm.
After listening, I took a step away from my computer and took a walk. I reflected on my journey as well as those of others I know who have lost a loved one. Life is so chaotic in the first year following the loss of your loved one. Trying to survive is the goal. Then, slowly and gently, the transformation emerges. Post-traumatic growth seems paradoxical. From the most painful experience in life comes a metamorphic change, creating a different landscape in us and how we live and view the world.
I’ve listened to several women share how their husbands were avid gardeners. Seeing the garden after the loss of their spouse was a reminder of what their husband loved. In each case, these women removed the original gardens and redesigned and replanted something new. The removal of what was allowed something else to be planted.
Post-traumatic growth offers the opportunity to take the life we once had and reconfigure and recalibrate. One of the outcomes is a resilience that allows us to grow in our appreciation of life while being deliberate in pursuing life-giving opportunities. It’s a process and a journey. Helen Keller said, “The best way out is always through.” It’s through the maze of grief that we land in a place of growth and healing.
