Any excuse to buy grocery store flowers is a good one to me—and this afternoon, many of the women in my church group will be grabbing a bouquet of bright flowers on their way home from work. Then they’ll run inside apartments and condos across the city, take a few minutes to decompress, and leave again in heart-covered shirts or light pink sweaters, with red bows and ribbons in their hair.

Today is February 13, which in recent years has become affectionately known as Galentine’s Day. As part of our women’s gathering this evening, each woman has been asked to bring her favorite flowers as well as an empty vase to create her own bouquet. We’ve been looking forward to a night filled with laughter and fun, fresh daisies and dozens of roses. 

Most of the single women I know don’t come undone by a holiday like Valentine’s Day. Some of them will have dates tomorrow, but many don’t. You could take the temperature of the room tonight and find a wide variety of feelings about that, but I’ve found the struggle often happens in quieter moments. 

This February 14 may be a fairly normal Friday for you as well. Feelings of loneliness or disappointment about still being single may be more likely to crash into you on days you weren’t expecting.

For you, it may be more likely to happen on a Thursday night, as you set a vase of flowers down on your kitchen table and notice just how quiet your home is. Even if you’ve had a full day, a good day, you still briefly wonder if you’ll always walk inside to an empty home, if you’ll always be alone, if anyone will ever choose you. 

You feel the sting of those thoughts, and then they pass. You reach to turn the lights off in the kitchen and move on with your evening. The brief moment is an unexpected thorn—just sharp enough to leave a little blood and remind you the longing for a change in your love life is still there.

Prickles v. Patience 

The old saying goes. “There’s no rose without thorns.” However, a botanist would tell you that’s not actually true. Science has found there’s no rose with thorns. Some plants have stiff, piercing thorns; roses have prickles: small, sharp growths along their stem. 

Prickles serve a purpose. They’re not meant for punishment; they protect the rose, guarding against hungry herbivores and insects that would eat holes straight through the leaves. 

Prickles in your own heart can serve a similar purpose. If you’ve been single for any amount of time, you know that feelings of disappointment, loss, and isolation can start to eat away at your willingness to trust the Lord. But sometimes, those emotional prickles can serve as a form of preservation, warning you to be mindful of what might threaten you most in this season. 

Certain emotions can drive your decisions, even the most subtle ones.

  • Loneliness looks for companionship of any kind to provide comfort.
  • Fear seeks security, even in people and places that aren’t safe. 
  • Boredom craves variety, entertainment, and an immediate change in circumstances.
  • Discontentment rushes ahead, settling for what’s available rather than what’s best. 
  • Comparison tells you that you’re falling behind, measuring your life against someone else’s timeline or the one you’ve created for yourself.
  • Discouragement whispers that God has forgotten you and insists it’s time to take matters into your own hands.
  • Impatience would convince you that waiting on the Lord isn’t producing the outcome you want fast enough.

Over the years, I’ve heard countless dating advice—both good and bad—but I’ve also often referenced one quote. Texas pastor Jonathan Pokluda has said, “Don’t lower your standards; lengthen your patience.” 

I’ve come to think of “lengthening your patience” as an invitation to depend on the Lord beyond what can be seen in this moment, especially when the prickle of heartache sets in. Lengthening your patience may look like . . . 

  • Seeking intimacy with Christ before looking to others for connection (Psalm 107:9; Psalm 16:11).
  • Resting in His protection before rushing into a relationship just to feel validation and security (Prov. 18:10; Psalm 62:2).
  • Pursuing purpose and joy in Christ rather than looking for distractions to fill the void (Matt. 6:33; John 10:10).
  • Trusting that Christ is enough as you wait and that the Lord’s wisdom and timing are better than your own (Lam. 3:25; Rom. 11:33).
  • Fixing your eyes on God’s calling for your life rather than chasing someone else’s story (Isa. 55:8–9; Heb. 12:1–2). 
  • Anchoring yourself in God’s character, knowing He sees, knows, and cares—even when you don’t understand (Psalm 139:1–2; 1 Pet. 5:7). 
  • Believing that you can trust the Lord is sovereign over an unseen future (Job 42:2; Psalm 31:15).

And knowing that God is just as good and kind to you in allowing you to be single on Valentine’s Day as He is in every season of your life. 

The Patience of the Patriarchs 

One of the hardest parts of lengthening your patience as you wait on the Lord is, of course, actually waiting. We love when time works for us and something lasts longer than expected. We despise it when it seems to work against us and something we want seems to take too much time to arrive.

Scripture calls followers of Christ to be long-suffering, to patiently endure lasting difficulty or discomfort. As you read the Bible, you see that the fulfillment of one’s faith rarely comes immediately. People learn to root themselves in the Lord’s promises when they cannot see how the end—or even the next page—of their story will play out.

If you’ve been following a year-long Bible reading plan, you’ve likely spent much of the last month in the book of Genesis. As you’ve read these historical accounts, you may not have thought much about how each individual’s faith journey overlaps with your own single relationship status this season. But their stories of long-suffering provide a model of what to do (and not do) when it comes to strengthening your faith and lengthening your patience. 

  • Consider Abraham, who waited twenty-five years for a child (Gen. 21:1–7). He didn’t weaken in faith when he considered the unlikeliness of his own situation; he was fully convinced in what God was able to do and glorified Him along the way (Rom. 4:18–21).
  • Abraham’s wife, Sarah, had faced the pain of infertility well into old age. How many times did she watch others get to build their own sweet families while she sat in silence, hoping? The temptation to take matters into her own hands led to additional heartbreak that could have been avoided (Gen. 16:1–6). And God remained faithful.
  • Their son Isaac was forty when he married his wife (Gen. 25:20), and then he and Rebekah endured twenty years of barrenness (Gen. 25:26). The delay didn’t stop him from turning to the Lord and pleading with Him, and the Lord answered (Gen. 25:21).
  • Isaac was the grandfather of Joseph, whose dramatic story led to him being left in prison, learning to wait on the Lord in the darkness of a cell (Gen. 39:20). His well-known story would have had a different ending if he’d allowed resentment to take root or discouragement to lead him to despair. Instead, he held on to what he knew about God—His goodness, His timing, His faithfulness. None of his waiting was wasted.

Long-Stemmed Patience 

Patience doesn’t come naturally—it’s grown through long seasons. We see that in the patriarchs, and this time of year, we’re reminded of it in the floral sections of grocery stores. 

In the next twenty-four hours, long-stem roses will be among the most expensive bouquets you can buy. Why? Because they require more time. They need extra nutrients, careful pruning, and seasons of slow growth before they reach their full length—prickles and all. When they do, their blooms are larger, their stems are sturdier, and they last longer.

Cultivating patience in singleness follows a similar pattern of growth. Just as long-stem roses receive specific care, intentional steps are needed to lengthen your patience.

Stay rooted in a support system. Roses that are supported with a lattice learn to grow upward rather than sprawling sideways. Who are the people helping you grow toward God, not just keeping you comfortable or searching for quick solutions in your waiting?

Prune early. When unnecessary stems are trimmed off a rose, the plant redirects its energy into producing healthier and longer stems with larger, more vibrant blooms. When you look back at the list above, which one stands out? Whether you’re facing comparison, fear, boredom, bitterness, or something else, ask the Lord to help you identify what needs to be pruned from your own life to help you grow your faith in Him.

Water deeply and consistently. Parched roots will search for anything to quench their thirst. Are you taking time to nourish your soul with the Word on a daily and weekly basis? A heart satisfied in Jesus won’t wither but will find strength to continue waiting on Him. 

Rooted in Christ 

A few days from now, the floral departments of your local grocery store will reduce the prices of the flowers that are left. I can’t think of a better time to track down a few long-stem roses to take home and leave where you can see them.

Let the bouquet be a reminder to lengthen your patience, to “let endurance have its full effect” (James 1:4), and to allow the Lord to continue cultivating you into a woman who is rooted and grounded in Jesus (Eph. 3:16–18).