Spiritual Practices As We Grieve — Grateful, yet Grieving
Back in November, I was interviewed by a friend, Sue Fulmore, on the spiritual practices I used during my early grief journey for her YouTube channel. Sue and I became acquainted at a writer's conference in 2019 and reconnected in an online writing group. Sue has a gentle spirit and tender heart to put words on the page in a beautiful way. (I’ve attached the link below for you to listen to, but I will offer a summary of what we discussed).
I recently watched the movie “Castaway” with Tom Hanks. I had seen it before, but in seeing it again, I had different eyes. I could relate to landing in a place you never imagined and trying to make sense of it all. In the movie, we watch as the character figures out the “unfigureoutable” in a constant state of finding ways to survive on a deserted island with limited resources. No one is prepared for the unexpected.
In the early days after my husband died, I was trying to describe and find ways to figure out what I needed, where I was, and how would I manage my life.
Journaling became one of the first ways I processed my grief. Grammar and penmanship didn’t matter—questions without answers formed on the pages. I poured out my soul, as the Psalmist says in Psalm 42:3, 4. Finding words for my experience was like finding my way out of the rubble to be able to see where I was.
Along with writing, I looked for other people’s words to describe my pain. I found the Psalms to give a voice to my state of being. The last verse in Psalm 88, “darkness is my closest friend,” allowed me to identify and lament with the Psalmist.
In addition to journaling and reading, I found movement was essential in processing my grief. Whether walking the dog, going to Pilates, or walking with a friend, my body needed to move. In her book The Grief Brain, Dr. Mary Francis O’Connor looks at how grief affects our brains and our bodies. After moving, I would experience a pause so I could keep going. As my doctor used to tell me, “Motion is lotion.”
https://youtu.be/YlJT8ybq5N4?si=JcJyOykSfJa0U4W4
Back to the movie, “Castaway,” Tom Hanks’ character finds a way to survive and get off the island. He’s rescued and goes back to his former life. What he finds, though, is his life has changed. He can’t go back to what he knew or who he was. What he experienced changed him.
In the same way, grief changes us. We can’t go back, but we can move through into a different life than we knew.
