Subtle blame in churches - Divorce Minister
The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child.
Ezekiel 18:20a, NIV
Sometimes church leaders subtly blame faithful spouses for a divorce from a cheater.
I say that it is subtle because it almost never is stated directly. The Trojan Horse is talking about “owning our part of the marriage breakdown.”
The problem with this seemingly “wise” line of inquiry is that is assigns partial responsibility for a divorce based on one specific sin–namely, sexual infidelity (see Matthew 19:9).
Both parties contribute to the quality of the marriage relationship. This is true. However, both parties did not contribute to the sin that God tells is a marriage ending sin.
I am all for the project of learning to be a better person in relationship. This includes learning how to be a better spouse. However, that discussion is not an appropriate discussion to have when trying to figure out why a divorce happened.
The Bible does not allow us to divorce over “poor communication skills.” It does not say we can divorce our spouse if they get fat or nag. Nor does it say that we can divorce them if they fail to listen attentively enough to us or fail to make a six figure salary.
A discussion of divorce in the church ought to begin and end with what the Bible says is marriage ending sin. To assign blame to a faithful spouse who divorces a cheater is to hold them responsible for the cheater’s sin.
It is unjust and ungodly.
The sinner is responsible for the sin, not their victim (see 2 Cor 5:10).
The subtle blaming of faithful spouses in church needs to stop. They do not share even 1% of the sin that led to the divorce as they did not choose nor acted out said sin!
Pressuring faithful spouses to take on responsibility for such sin and its consequence (namely, divorce) is partnering with the Accuser of the Brethren. That is not a partnership any true follower of Christ ought to make.
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