The Latest Trend in Pit-of-Hell Thinking

A son will not suffer the punishment for the father’s guilt, nor will a father suffer the punishment for the son’s guilt; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself- Ezekiel 18:20

There are basically three kinds of thinking.  

First, there’s good or wise thinking. Good or wise thinking is aligned with what the Bible teaches. Learning to think biblically does not mean life will always be easy or free of trials (2^nd Corinthians 4:17-18, James 1:2, 1^stPeter 1:6-7).  However, biblical thinking coupled with relationship with God ultimately leads to peace with God and eternity spent with God (Proverbs 3:5-6, Romans 5:1, Romans 12:2).  

There’s also bad or worldly thinking. Bad thinking is not always obviously erroneous. Bad thinking is bad because it is not aligned with the Bible and so it’s off, it’s worldly and therefore lacking in wisdom (Colossians 2:8, Philippians 3:19). This is the kind of thinking Christians end up with when they lean on their own understanding of how to do life rather than God’s (Proverbs 3:5-6). Bad or worldly thinking will not always completely ruin a person’s life, but it will lead them in a less than godly direction and ensure they never quite live up to their God-given potential.  

The final category of thinking is what I call “pit-of-hell” thinking. This type of thinking is literally, and I do mean literally, straight out of the pit of hell. The New Testament refers to it a: “doctrine of demons” (1^st Timothy 4:1). Pit-of-hell thinking always has a demonic component to it that makes it very deceptive. Indulging in this kind of thinking ultimately causes an individual to become derailed spiritually, emotionally and morally.

 There’s no scarcity of pit-of-hell thinking in the world today. 

One wildly popular and sinister example of such thinking is a notion that originated with Sigmund Freud (1873-1939). Freud taught that individuals could trace all of their bad behavior, emotional problems and wrong thinking back to something their parents did or did not do to them in childhood. If an adult lacks self-confidence, can’t stand up for themselves, has a tough time making decisions, is angry, hates sex, is addicted to sex, can’t maintain a long-term relationship, allows themselves to be abused, is codependent, drinks too much, uses drugs or is a narcissistic jerk, it is all the fault of that individual’s parents, usually the mom. It is true that we are all influenced by our childhood experiences. Bad parenting is bad, partly because it has a generational impact (Lamentations 5:7). That said, if parents were responsible for all our sin God would have sent us a therapist rather than a savior (Acts 4:12).  

Following are the top four problems with this thinking: 

It prevents individuals from dealing with their problems and sin-

The first step in dealing with a problem or sin is to take personal responsibility for that sin and/or owning our part of the problem (Proverbs 28:13, James 5:16, Psalm 32:3). It is impossible to take responsibility, effectively confess a sin or repent of something that we are blaming our parents for. Conversely, when we take full responsibility for our sin, God forgives that sin and gives us the wisdom we need to move forward in a victorious way that breaks generational curses and sets us free from the bondage of sinful strongholds (Psalm 32:5, Psalm 51, 1^st John 1:8-9). 

It leads folks to believe it’s okay to break the fifth commandment- 

Believing the lie that their mom and dad are ultimately responsible for our misery and sin leads us to believe that it’s okay to disrespect or dishonor our parents. This line of thinking is in direct violation to the fifth commandment (Exodus 20:12). This commandment is clear, unambiguous and repeated many times throughout the Old and New Testaments (Deuteronomy 5:16, Matthew 14:4, Matthew 19:16-20, Mark 7:10, Ephesians 6:2). It is one of the clearest teachings in all the Bible. God was so serious about this commandment there is blessing promised for keeping it and curses attached to breaking it (including a death penalty). Furthermore, nowhere in the Bible are we given a loophole when it comes to honoring/respecting our parents. It is impossible to honor or respect someone who you blame for all your problems and bad choices. 

It’s at the root of the estrangement epidemic- 

Children cutting their parents out is now a popular trend. Typically, the parents were not abusive just “toxic”. Toxicity is frequently defined as “not being supportive enough” or “not in tune to the child’s needs”.  The bottom-line is that these kids have bought into the lie that all of their problems and issues are the fault of their parents rather than the result of their own choices. This view is at the root of incalculable misery and hurt. No one wins in an estrangement. The parents are left devastated, and the adult child never really grows up and takes responsibility for their own behavior (Ezekial 18)

It’s not biblical– 

It’s just not. There is not a single Bible verse that indicates that anyone is responsible for our choices or sin except us. Period. People are not soulless automatons preprogrammed by childhood experiences. We are influenced by the experiences we have growing up but ultimately each one of us chooses how we respond to what we experienced.  

All parents are sinners, therefore they all make mistakes. Some even sin against their children (Romans 3:23). This does not make abuse okay or excusable (Romans 3:19). Parents who abuse their children will be held accountable for their sin (Ezekiel 18:4, Matthew 18:6, Romans 14:12). That said, no one is responsible for our adult choices except us and taking responsibility for our own junk is the first step in making a better future for ourselves.