THE POWER OF HATRED (B)

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This is a sequel to something I did a while ago, the second part of THE POWER OF HATRED.

* * *

“Moon?”

I smiled in response.

“You look like you’ve just battled with demons.”

I laughed.

“Do I look that bad?”

“Okay, make up smeared, but you still look lovable and your heart is the only beautiful thing I see right now.”

I laughed again. “Want to talk?”
He nodded and I sat beside him. “You know, people actually think you’re perfect. They think Christian writers have everything going out perfect for them.”

“No, Tayo. Sometimes, I feel like life selects certain persons to throw stones at. I believe he selects Christian writers. Sadly, he selects everyone. Everyone with the Christian tag. You think things are perfect around here because we choose to believe those stones are comfortable.”

Tayo looked confused.

I continued, “We believe everything is going perfect, even when it seems like they’re not. We just believe. We hold on to God. We are believers. The devil tackles with our minds. He tackles with our past, what we used to do and how we used to be. He makes us feel like no matter how much we preach, we used to be just like the persons we preach to. He throws bad things at us, things that makes us see ourselves as failures even when we’re not. They make us feel like we are just the same. They make us feel like we are unforgiven. It’s hard not to listen, but we do not have to listen because he has always been a liar. Since the beginning of time.”

Tayo chuckled.

“He seems to have everything going for him. He doesn’t sweat. He’s found what he wants with life, and me? I’m just watching and supporting him. Why did life choose to place me last in line.”

I knew Tayo was talking about his best friend, Jeremy, so I waited.

He stopped talking, he was fighting hard with his tears. I wanted to tell him that he shouldn’t fight his tears, but I didn’t. I waited. He was expecting me to say something.

“Are you envious of his achievements, Tayo?”

“That’s not something you say so easily, Moon.”

I stared at him, with a smile.

“Isn’t it okay to hate him, Moon. I wish he’ll keep his achievements to himself and not barge into my room every second to tell me of a new idea. Every idea he brings, I wonder why I have to be so dumb that I didn’t think of it first. Oh, well, they are intelligent ideas and I know intelligent ideas are not my thing. I only think of the opposite. Could it be because his parents are rich and mine aren’t? Do you think his brain work better because he sleeps with AC, while I battle every night with mosquitoes. I mean, who can even think well with such mosquitoes.”

Can you do this, Lord? You fix broken hearts.

I was listening and praying for Tayo at the same time. He has so much on his head. Bitter, bitter things. I think he’s already mad at everyone.

“I mean, life isn’t fair. It sees someone like Jeremy, gives him a rich and awesome family, as if that’s not enough consolation, it gives him brain!”

“It’s not life!” I screamed so I wouldn’t cry. “God is in charge. He gives you to the family you need. A family you’ll need more in fulfilling your purpose, I’m sure you’d never be anything if you’re at the family meant for someone else. No family is wrong, Tayo!”

He was surprised at my outburst, “Well, mine is. My family is wrong. Yes, I said it. Wrong set of people mixed together.”
He was crying and talking, I couldn’t really pick his words.

For the umpteenth time that day, I was glad we were far away from home. I was glad we’re on the wide open field.

He was crying. This time he was full of regrets. I guess he wished he didn’t even speak to me.

You’re here, God, please do something. You always come through.

“What about my brain, Moon? Life not only gives me a wrong family, I don’t have a great brain. Could it be from genes?

I faced him, my eyes sparkled with tears, I wanted to slap him. He has so many negative thoughts on his mind. “God break genes! You don’t know how intelligent you are. You’re a result of what you think! I’ve known you for years, and you’ve never seen yourself as being intelligent. You’ve never believed in yourself. You don’t believe in God too? You don’t believe in His intelligence too? If you do, then His Intelligence and Wisdom works for you when yours fail. Why don’t you ask for wisdom, ask for it, politely. Ask the giver.”

My raised voice was all he needed to be calm.

“We have different timelines. Doesn’t mean God is folding his hands in your case. You should believe he’s working out something. You don’t have to do what Jeremy is doing. God will lead you into your own thing if you ask Him. But you’ve not asked him, you don’t want to ask Him. You just want it at the snap of your fingers. You’ve not been asking God to lead you to your own thing. Something you’ll excel at, you’ve been salivating and wishing for Jeremy’s thing.”

I sat beside Tayo and rubbed his palm, and I still asked God for peace and understanding. Tayo needs you. He needs peace.

“God loves you.” I said in a whisper, like I was divulging a big secret.
It amused him but he didn’t smile.

“After this?” He scoffed. “Not after everything I’ve said.”

I laughed. He smiled. He believed me.

“You have no idea how much you mean to Him. No one truly understands such love.”

He was quiet. He was fighting doubts.

“About love, Tayo.. ” I brought out my phone from my mini bag lying on the grass. I opened my Bible app. I sat in such a way that he could peer into my phone without stress.

“There’s something in Luke 12:7, it says, but even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

I waited for him to say something, but he just stared into space. Lost.

“Who’ll count your hair despite how busy everyone is? God did. See, Jesus even said we’re more valuable than Sparrows. Believe that.”

“I know God values Christians, but God can’t do that when you complain about everything and don’t have faith. He loves those who believe. He loves them. Where do people struggling with their faith fall into?”
He asked.

What I’ve been saying to Him must have made him tired.

“He loves you too.” That was all I could say.

I punched into my phone again. I read
Romans 8:35 loudly, “who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?”

I handed my phone over to him, he looked at the screen for some time and gave it back to me.

“You want me to explain this?”
He nodded. He understood.

He was smiling, “thank you,” he said.

“Don’t thank me, and about your family.”

I quickly punched into my phone and read aloud,

“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

“I’m sorry about my parents. I didn’t mean any of what I said.”

I nodded in understanding.

* * *

Dear you, who think that your breakthrough is coming slower than your mates. This is for you who think that your peers and friends have accomplished much more than you would ever imagine. I wish you’d understand that there is a king in control.

The power of hatred (B)