To my mother, who struggled with depression - Today Can Be Different

Mom, I won’t pretend you were a perfect mother, but I know that you loved me as perfectly as you could.

We both wish you had taught me how to cook, keep house and mix and match my clothes, but chronic depression stole those chapters of our lives. As a teenager, I didn’t understand why you slept all day. I resented you for not getting up and acting like other moms.

If my own depression hadn’t robbed me of raising my children, I might have never understood what you went through. Now, I regret my resentment toward you. Will you forgive me?

From experience, I understand that you felt overwhelmed every morning when the sun came up, afraid you wouldn’t perform any better than you had the day before. Sadly, every evening confirmed your fears, which caused you to hate yourself a little more after each failed day.

Many years later, when I was going through a difficult time with my own depression, you made plans to come see me. When you phoned to say you couldn’t come because you were experiencing a lot of physical pain, you also expressed how sorry you were for not being a better mother. I thank God I had the opportunity to tell you, “I love you. I forgive you” – especially because neither of us knew you were dying from cancer and would be gone in a few short months.

Mom, you were not a failure. We – the culture of that day – failed you.

I wish you could see how well I’m doing now. In today’s society, people are more likely to talk about depression, and more people are getting help. I’m blessed to have had people in my life who recognized the signs of my depression, prayed for me and got me the help I needed. Most importantly, I’m learning how much God loves me; therefore, I’m getting better at casting all my anxieties and concerns on Him (1 Peter 5:7).

And I want you to know, Mom, that on Mother’s Day and during Mental Health Awareness Month, I think of you often – warmly and very proudly.

(Revised from my archives)

What about you?

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• How has depression affected you and your family?

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