Transforming Relationships (9)
Jesus taught his disciples about judging others and spoke about preserving what is holy and sacred. In a society where values are not always cherished, people are misinterpreting the bible to suit their own desires. There are good reasons why God designed marriage as an institution for love and intimacy. It does not make sense to share your pearls with people who aren’t committed to you. We have to set boundaries and teach people how we want to be treated. We can’t be angry when we fail to set boundaries and then be surprised when someone mistreats us. It is important to know what you want from a relationship for example, in order to clearly communicate your expectations.
Different things are important for each person, so it is important to know what are your non-negotiables. This comes from having standards on things like, how you would like to be spoken to and knowing language and communication styles that you will or will not tolerate. What are your values and ideas around spending quality time and how much is too much or too little? Having an understanding of your love language and being able to communicate this clearly is also helpful. Gary Chapman designed the five love languages and described these as the typical ways in which people have their needs met in a relationship. For example, one love language is words of affirmation.
According to Chapman, someone whose love language is words of affirmation, needs to be affirmed in order to keep their love tank full. This person is also likely to be more sensitive to negative, harsh or critical words. People should seek to have the difficult conversations during the courtship stage, to get a better understanding of the values and beliefs of the other person. Conversations regarding money, savings and things like debt are extremely crucial. This is because disagreement around money is a major challenge in marriage. Other general ideas such as values around family and extended relatives and thoughts on raising children should be discussed.
My father always says that marriage has to be entered into with very careful prayer and consideration. After all, it is the most important decision that a person will make and it will have a major impact on the rest of your life. You have to be willing to ask yourself and the other person the hard questions and be sure that you can live with the answers. We cannot marry someone with traits that we find hard to tolerate and hope that they will change. Love is a decision and contrary to popular beliefs, we don’t fall in love, like someone who trips over and falls into a ditch. As much as we use our heart and emotions, we have to use our minds and intellect. We make a decision to love someone and our choice has to be made with sound judgement.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
A.P.-Y.
Published by Anneta Pinto-Young
I am a trained Social Worker who currently provides professional leadership on a programme to support Social Work students and Newly Qualified Social Workers entering the Social Work Profession.
Born and raised in Jamaica in a Christian family where my father is an ordained Pastor and Deacon who has served for over 50 years in the ministry. My father is also a trained musician and our family can be described as a musical family. I grew up in a small farming community in St. Peter’s, St. Andrew and my parents also have a small farm.
I credit my gift of writing to my father who I watched and listened to over the years as he wrote sermons, poems and other recitals in his capacity in ministry. English has always been an easy subject for me and over the years I have developed an increased interest in writing.
I am a Trainer, I sing and have a passion for worship, the spoken word and the free flow of the prophetic anointing. I am married to my best friend Andrew Christopher Young who is an advanced Musician and whose music you can find on YouTube and Facebook. I am a trained Coach and Mentor and I love experimenting with food so I love cooking. I enjoy trying cultural dishes from across the world and I view food as an entry into cultures and languages.
View all posts by Anneta Pinto-Young
Published
December 8, 2022December 8, 2022
