Turn Toward Me - Making Scripture Relevant
The day I lost my job, began a new norm for me. When I saw the HR Woman in the office, I knew what she was there to do, I just didn’t know it was me she was there to let go. Regardless, I turned my thoughts and prayers to God, I was refusing to allow fear or doubt to enter my being.
When I was asked into the office, I didn’t walk in there alone, God was there. I know God was there because He was helping me breath and keep my mind focused on what they were saying throughout the meeting. God remained with me as they took my keys and escorted me out of the building.
I don’t remember the drive home, but I imagine Jesus had the wheel. I do remember coming in my front door and sitting on the couch in the office still feeling God’s presence. As I fell into the couch I said, “I need to get to the Eucharist.”
My first desire was to get to Jesus. I needed to get as close to him as I possibly could in order to gain some peace. I knew the only way I was going to manage to get through this was with the help of God. I needed to get my head wrapped around what happened and why before I would be able to tell others. There were going to be a lot of questions and I understood enough that I wasn’t going to answer anything or do anything without my words and actions going through the filter of God first.
Oh, there was plenty to be upset and worried about. I didn’t know how my family would manage financially. My job was the one providing health benefits and I was dumping a lot of my paycheck into savings and retirements plans. We had just started to finally feel like we weren’t struggling for the first time in our 20-year marriage.
Plus, ou oldest daughter was two months from graduating high school, with the middle one right behind her the next year and the youngest graduating from the 8th grade. Anyone one with kids knows the expenses related to high school and middle school graduations, plus the end of the year dances and activities. The expectations are high for grad parties, a new dress for each celebration and gifts for friends. It was going to be a rough season but I didn’t or couldn’t think of any of these things.
All I knew was that I needed to spend sometime in a church, alone with God. I had to get myself to Jesus.
When news of my departure spread, I had people contacting me telling me they were angry or sad. I didn’t feel this way. I knew despite this terrible circumstance; I wasn’t going to allow losing my job to change who I choose to be as a person. My God was going to provide me with a new opportunity and direct me towards something better, something more. This was not a hope I had, rather something I knew to be true.
My faith in God and belief that he is good and forgiving, abounding in kindness and attends to all who call on him told me I was going to be okay. Since I have seen in the scriptures how merciful and gracious God is, especially to those who are down and out, I knew my family would get through this season. My job was to turn toward God and say, “here I am Lord, your servant is listening!”
This was a new norm for me. I so strongly was able to turn toward God to keep me from reacting based on my emotions and instead act out in faith. I was able to stand instead of falling into a depression or spin out into an anxiety-stricken frenzy. That experience showed me the power of Jesus and what I am capable of surviving when I turn toward him when I am in the midst of chaos.
Since then, it has been a habit to turn toward Jesus at each and every turn in my life. I take everything to prayer and have a conversation with God about what is the next right step for me to take. I know God will be there when I call and I also know he will supply me with what I need to continue to do his will here on earth. “If God is for me, then who can be against me!” (Romans 8:31)
