Two Cups of Tea and Slivers of Time

The other day I recorded a short video for the (free!) online Caregiving Essentials course that I facilitate at McMaster University Department of Continuing Education. I was talking about self-care. And I was reflecting on the idea of (and sorry if you’ve heard me say this many times before) that there are two people in a caregiving relationship and they both need care. That means YOU need care just as much as your loved one. But given that many of us are on call 24/7 and we are exhausted, doesn’t caring for ourselves sound like just one more thing on a long list of essential tasks?

It doesn’t have to be so. I call my approach “two cups of tea.” When your loved ones says “I’m thirsty, would you bring me a cup of tea?”, don’t think “Yes, right away! I’ll have mine later.” No, make two cups of tea and enjoy yours now, while it’s hot. If you want to read a book, read aloud together. If surfing the web is your solace and relaxation, find something to watch or listen to that you will both enjoy. If none of these things is possible because of disease progression or cognitive impairment, think of “slivers of time.” One caregiver told me that she does sudoku puzzles when her husband is in the bathroom – we had a good laugh at that one. Yesterday I looked at the image above and I did two things: I read some poetry (the gorgeous words of the Irish poet Seamus Heaney) and I wrote this short poem…