Waiting with No Answers in the Dark — Vaneetha Risner
Have you ever waited in the dark, staring into the abyss, shocked by what was happening?
On Good Friday, Jesus’s followers did just that as they watched their Savior die a horrific and humiliating death. And with his death, their plans and hopes would have died too. They believed that Jesus was the Messiah, the son of God, who would establish a kingdom that would last forever. But as they saw him hanging on the cross, they must have wondered what was true. How could this have been part of the plan?
John mentions five people who stayed and watched Jesus till the end, five who probably huddled together at the foot of the cross. There was Mary the mother of Jesus, Mary’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, Mary Magdalene and John (John 19:25). These five didn’t run away in their pain, didn’t look away from the horror, but faced it with their eyes fixed on Jesus.
They each had their own stories about their relationship with Jesus. Mary, Jesus’s mother, was told by an angel that she would bear the son of God whose kingdom would never end. But the only prophecy she could have been certain had been fulfilled was that a sword would pierce her soul. Her sister would have likely known much of the story, understanding some of Mary’s pain.
Mary, the wife of Clopas, might have been the wife of Cleopas mentioned in Luke 24. Perhaps she was with her husband on the road to Emmaus when they encountered Jesus. Jesus had driven seven demons from Mary Magdalene, who was among the women who had closely followed Jesus. Finally there was John himself, the disciple whom Jesus loved.
These five people stayed until the end despite their intense grief. They didn’t run away in terror and disbelief, even though they couldn’t have understood what was happening. They waited in the dark, their insides probably crumbling, refusing to look away. Nothing made sense but they were willing to wait and watch.
From noon until three darkness covered the land. But they kept looking at Jesus, likely straining to see him through their tears in the dim light. And because of their faithfulness, they experienced the miraculous.
While Scripture doesn’t tell us much about Jesus’ mother or her sister after Jesus’s death, we do know that his mother was part of the early church along with the disciples.
Cleopas and his companion were walking along the road, dejectedly talking about their disappointment. They had hoped that Jesus was the Messiah, the one who would deliver Israel, but his death left them with puzzling questions. Jesus caught up with them as they walked along, and beginning with Moses and all the prophets explained all the Scriptures concerning himself. Why he had to suffer and die and enter into his glory. They listened, spellbound, as their hearts burned within them. But Jesus kept them from recognizing him until he prayed, and then they knew it was the Lord. They immediately rushed to Jerusalem to excitedly tell the eleven disciples that the Lord had risen.
Mary Magdalene stayed close to Jesus, even following to see where he was buried. She watched as Joseph of Arimathea laid Jesus in his own new tomb which he had cut in the rock. Even though Mary knew that Jesus’s body had already been prepared, she went early in the morning with a few other women to anoint his body for burial. Mary didn’t want to be away from the Lord. Mary was the first one to see the resurrected Christ and was given the honor and responsibility of telling others. Though she didn’t recognize him at first, mistaking him for the gardener, she knew it was Jesus when he called her name.
John knew he was extravagantly loved. I once thought John was arrogant calling himself “the disciple whom Jesus loved,” implying that Jesus loved him more than everyone else. Now I simply think he never got over the fact that Jesus loved him, and because of that just wanted to be remembered that way. John was the only disciple who stayed until the end and was the first disciple to reach the empty tomb after Jesus’ resurrection. Scripture says that John believed at the empty tomb, but we know he couldn’t have fully understood what had happened. He and some other disciples soon returned to fishing, when they waited all night with no catch. Jesus told them to throw their nets on the other side, exactly what he commanded when he first called them, and then their nets were full to breaking. When John saw the miracle, he immediately recognized Jesus.
So what can we make of all this? Perhaps it’s just an interesting fact that those who were at the crucifixion were the first to recognize him. Perhaps it’s because when we stay with Jesus in the hardest of circumstances, bewildered and broken, yet unwilling to leave, we get to see the glory of God. We recognize that he is before us. We see his invisible qualities made visible. His steadfast love and faithfulness. His goodness and compassion. His mercy and grace.
John wrote more about the love of God than anyone else in Scripture, perhaps because he experienced it most intensely. When we’re willing to wait with Jesus in the dark, we’ll understand the love of God in a profound way. If we’re willing to stay in the confusion of the cross, we will see God’s glory. Like Jesus’s followers, we probably won’t understand it in the moment. Like us, they were living through the trauma, unable to see how it all fit together. They couldn’t have known that Jesus’s death was a fulfillment of all God had spoken. That is until Jesus opened their minds to understand it.
When you stay in the worst, you will see Jesus. As Jesus promised the disciples, their grief would turn to joy. A joy that no one could take away. So if you are waiting in the hopelessness of Good Friday, watching everything you counted on disintegrate, don’t give up. Keep your eyes on Jesus, even when you can barely see him through your tears. Even when everything is dark and you’re wondering what’s true anymore. Even when your dreams are so buried that you’re afraid to hope again.
Even in this darkness, dare to trust. Trust that God is working even in the unimaginably hard. Trust that you will see God. Trust that you will come to a fuller understanding of his love. And that you’ll be entrusted with sharing with others the good news of what you’ve seen and heard.
The resurrected Jesus was with his friends who waited at the cross, but they didn’t recognize him immediately. Yet eventually they all saw him. Jesus is with you right now, but you may not recognize it. You may feel alone and bewildered. Asking questions. Wondering what is happening. If that’s your situation, don’t run away. Ask God to open your eyes. Keep doing the next thing. Lean into your questions.
Perhaps today God is calling you to watch and wait, and to trust that he’s doing more than you can ask or imagine. He is working now, even though you may only see loss. Light is coming and it will obliterate the darkness.
