What does it mean to love your neighbor as yourself?

“‘And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” - Mark 12:30-31

In a culture that’s obsessed with self-care and self-love, it’s easy to misinterpret this verse to mean that you have to love yourself first before you can truly love others. But, this interpretation misses the deeper and more profound meaning that Jesus intended. 

If we look at Scripture, Jesus never tells us to put ourselves first. Instead, he tells us to do the opposite. Jesus lived a life full of humility and encouraged his disciples to do the same. In Luke 14:11, Jesus says, “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” 

The self-love that the world talks about tells us to put ourselves first, whereas Jesus calls us to humble ourselves. So, what does it mean to love yourself in a biblical sense? 

The biblical idea of loving yourself has nothing to do with you but everything to do with God and his love for you. 

Throughout Scripture, we see the depth of God’s love for us. He knit us together and knew us before we were even born (Psalm 139:13-14). He created each of us for a purpose and has a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11-13). No matter how many times we fall short or fail, God sent his only Son to redeem us (John 3:16-17). Nothing can separate us from his love (Romans 8:38-39). 

This kind of love is powerful. It’s unconditional. And, when we truly understand God’s love for us, it changes our perspective. Our worth is not found in ourselves but in God’s love for us. Understanding this is the foundation for loving others.  That same love that God has for you, he has for every person he’s created. When we love our neighbor as ourselves, we’re not putting ourselves first. Instead, we’re holding up a mirror of God’s love for us and reflecting that same love to others. When we fully grasp the love God has for us, we begin to see others as he sees us—as sons and daughters. 

John 13:34-35 puts it like this, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

In his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis offers an additional insight: 

“You are told to love your neighbour as yourself. How do you love yourself? When I look into my own mind, I find that I do not love myself by thinking myself a dear old chap or having affectionate feelings. I do not think that I love myself because I am particularly good, but just because I am myself and quite apart from my character. I might detest something which I have done. Nevertheless, I do not cease to love myself. In other words, that definite distinction that Christians make between hating sin and loving the sinner is one that you have been making in your own case since you were born. You dislike what you have done, but you don't cease to love yourself. You may even think that you ought to be hanged. You may even think that you ought to go to the Police and own up and be hanged. Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”

I love the way C.S. Lewis describes what loving your neighbor means because it gives us a deeper insight into God’s love for us. It isn’t about feelings, affection, or self-worth. It’s about a deep, unwavering commitment to the well-being of another person—whether that’s ourselves or others. 

Throughout the Bible, God models this deep, unwavering commitment to his people even when they continually fall short. He never abandons them or gives up on them. Instead, he forgives them and even made a way for all humankind to spend eternity with him. When we love our neighbor as ourselves, we’re not putting ourselves first. Instead, we’re setting aside our own thoughts, opinions, and desires and choosing to demonstrate God’s love to them.  

So, how can you remind yourself of God’s love this week? And, what are some ways you extend that same love to those around you? 

Kali Gibson is the editor-in-chief for So We Speak and a copywriter for the Youversion Bible App.