When You Feel as Though You Just Don’t Matter

For years we were joined at the hip. Not a day went by when we didn’t talk on the phone at least once.

But sometimes friendships come unhinged. People change. Perspectives change. Purposes change. Passions change. While nothing went terribly wrong, and no hurtful words were exchanged, the void was vast beyond bridging. I felt tossed away. Discarded. Of little regard. Erased as if I had never been. Worthless.

Perhaps you’ve felt that way at some point in your life. It’s a hard “dis-ease” to define. To put your finger on and say, “Yes, that’s where it hurts.” For me, it was a niggling ache. A haunting hurt that shot straight through at unexpected times.

Why was I having trouble letting go? Why were my feet stuck in the sucking mire of memories? Me—the woman who taught others how to leave the past behind. “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead” (Philippians 3:13 nasb).

Yep. I memorized it. I taught it. I flashed it on the screen in PowerPoint Technicolor.

But there was this…

Then I read a book by Mark Buchanan, Your God is Too Safe. He diagnosed my heartsickness with one fell swoop of his pen. That “thing” I had been struggling with but couldn’t define. In it he wrote: “My own deepest heart wounds have been inflicted by people who never set out to hurt me. It was worse. At some point they stopped even caring that what they did would hurt me. I became beside the point. My existence ceased to matter. The importance I believed I occupied in the heart of the other, the place of cherishing I thought was reserved for me turned out to be a myth.”

Just as clearly as a physician who delivers a diagnosis would, Mark laid bare the crux of my problem: I became beside the point. My existence ceased to matter. For me, it was the worst kind of pain. A malignancy that spread and gnawed on other areas of my life.

Now that I had a diagnosis, now that the dis-ease had a name, I was faced with a choice. That’s what God does, you know. He doesn’t reveal a soul-sickness just for the sake of revelation, but always to bring healing…repentance…to help make you well. When He reveals an infectious soul-sickness, one you’ve never noticed or could define before, it’s as if He’s saying, “Now is the time.” When He shows you a lie that has become your truth, it’s time to reject that lie and replace it with His truth.

Jesus understands what it feels like to be of “no consequence” to someone (or many someones). Your arrow of pain shoots straight through the heart, comes out the other side, and finds its mark in the pierced hands and feet of Jesus, the pierced side of Jesus, the broken heart of Jesus. “By his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).

He gets it. He wants you to let Him take it. Let it go—not just into oblivion, but onto Him. Into Him. Here’s what Jesus wants you to know: You are of great consequence. You are significant. Your existence will never cease to matter. You have great worth.

Stop and do something for me. Draw a circle. Now draw a dot in the middle of the circle. What do you see?

Did you say “a dot?” I did when someone asked me the same question.

But look at all that space around the dot! Inside. Outside.

Now think of the all-encompassing love of God. Above you. Beside you. Under you. You couldn’t get away from it if you tried. That’s the space inside the circle and outside the circle. That little tiny dot represents that person or the persons who have hurt you intentionally or unintentionally, the person or persons you’ve allowed to make you feel worthless. Why in the world do we look at the circle and see only the dot? Why don’t we see the space?

Why in the world do we focus on the one person who has hurt us, or doesn’t care about us, and not on all the people in our lives who do love us? On the God who loves us?

Here’s what I’m challenging you to do: Stop focusing on the dot. Focus on the space around the dot. The dot is just that—a dot! She’s a dot. He’s a dot. God’s love for you, and all the other people in your world who love you—including me—are the space.

Heavenly Father, thank You for loving me. Help me to focus less on what others think of me and more on what You think of me. Thank You that nothing will ever separate me from Your love. I rest in the truth that You will never get tired of me or leave me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

What do you need to let go of today? Leave a comment and let’s share.

Digging Deeper

Are you ready to let go of everything that holds you back from experiencing the abundant life Jesus came to give? If so, Take Hold of the Faith You Long For: Let go, Move forward, Live bold, is just for you. Sit with Moses by the burning bush and listen in on his argument with God to learn 4 key elements to having the mountain moving faith you’ve always longed for!