Why do I always seek approval from others

Nowadays, the desire to seek approval from others is a common experience that many of us face. You might find yourself constantly looking for validation, whether it's from family, friends, or even strangers on social media. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself why this is the case? Why is the need for external validation so deeply ingrained in our psyche? 

The aim of this article is to delve into this intriguing subject matter, exploring the psychological roots that fuel this behavior, the impact it has on your life, and practical steps you can take to break free from this cycle.

Understanding why you seek approval from others is not just an exercise in self-reflection; it's a crucial step toward improving your emotional well-being and achieving a more fulfilling life. Moreover, the implications of this behavior extend beyond the individual, affecting relationships and social dynamics in broader contexts. 

So, if you've ever found yourself sacrificing your own needs or altering your behavior to gain someone else's approval, you're not alone. And this article is here to help you understand why that is and what you can do about it.

Why do we seek approval from others

You might wonder why the need to seek approval from others is so deeply ingrained in your psyche. It's not just a random quirk; it's often a complex interplay of various psychological factors that have been shaped over years, sometimes even decades. Let's delve into some of these underlying causes to understand better why you, like many others, may find yourself in this cycle of seeking external validation.

Early life experiences

Firstly, the roots often trace back to your childhood. As a child, you learned to seek approval from your parents or caregivers as a way to feel safe and loved. This is a natural part of human development. However, if you grew up in an environment where love and attention were conditional upon certain behaviors or achievements, you might have internalized the belief that you need to earn approval to be worthy of love.

Social conditioning

Next, let's talk about social conditioning. Society plays a significant role in shaping our need for approval. From a young age, you are taught to conform to societal norms and expectations. Whether it's excelling in school, participating in extracurricular activities, or even adhering to certain fashion standards, the message is clear: conforming leads to approval, and approval is desirable. This societal pressure can make it difficult to break free from the need to seek approval from others, as it's almost seen as a measure of your worth.

Psychological Theories

Moreover, various psychological theories offer insights into why people seek approval from others. For instance, the Social Comparison Theory suggests that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others. This often leads to a constant need for validation to confirm that you are 'good enough' compared to your peers. 

Another theory, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, emphasizes the importance of social belonging and esteem needs above basic physiological and safety needs, indicating the deep-rooted psychological importance of feeling accepted and valued by others.

Fear of rejection

Lastly, the fear of rejection is a powerful motivator. No one likes to feel ostracized or left out. This fear can drive you to seek approval as a form of social security. By gaining the approval of those around you, the logic goes, you safeguard yourself against the emotional pain of rejection. However, this can be a double-edged sword. While it may offer a temporary sense of security, it also makes you dependent on external validation, leaving you vulnerable when that approval is not forthcoming.

The need to seek approval from others is not a simple issue; it's a complex web of psychological factors, each contributing to this ingrained behavior. Understanding these underlying causes is the first step in breaking free from this cycle. It allows you to tackle the issue at its root rather than just addressing the symptoms. 

So, as you navigate through life, remember that the need for external validation is often a symptom of deeper, underlying issues that may need to be addressed.

How constantly seeking approval affects your life

You may wonder why it's essential to examine the impact of constantly seeking approval from others. The truth is, this behavior can have far-reaching consequences on various aspects of your life. Check out some of these areas to gain a clearer understanding.

Emotional well-being

Firstly, the emotional toll can be significant. When you seek approval from others, your emotional state becomes dependent on external validation. This means your happiness, sadness, or sense of worth is often tied to what others think of you. Consequently, you may find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster, feeling elated one moment and dejected the next, based on the feedback you receive from people around you.

Relationships and social interactions

Secondly, let's talk about relationships. The need to seek approval from others can strain your personal relationships. Whether it's a friendship, a romantic relationship, or even a professional connection, the constant need for validation can create an imbalance. 

People may feel burdened by your need for affirmation, leading to resentment or distance. Moreover, you might attract individuals who exploit your need for approval, thereby entering into unhealthy relationships.

Personal growth and self-esteem

Moving on to personal growth, the constant quest for external validation can stifle your development. When you seek approval from others, you're less likely to take risks or step out of your comfort zone. Why? Because you fear the judgment or disapproval that might come with failure. This can limit your opportunities and hinder the realization of your full potential.

Furthermore, your self-esteem takes a hit. If your sense of worth is dictated by how much approval you garner from others, it becomes fragile. You may start to doubt your abilities and second-guess your decisions, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and hesitation.

Career progression

Lastly, let's not overlook the professional aspect. In a work environment, the need to seek approval can hinder your career progression. You may avoid taking on challenging projects or voicing your opinions during meetings, fearing disapproval from colleagues or superiors. This not only limits your growth but also makes you less visible in the professional arena, affecting your chances for promotions or career advancements.

Steps to stop seeking approval from others

Breaking free from the need to seek approval from others constantly is no small feat, but it's absolutely essential for your emotional well-being and personal growth. The first step in this journey is self-awareness. Recognize the moments when you're seeking external validation and ask yourself why that is. Is it because you're unsure of your own abilities, or perhaps you're afraid of judgment?

Next, focus on self-acceptance. Understand that you are a unique individual with your own set of skills, thoughts, and feelings. You do not need anyone else's stamp of approval to validate your worth. Of course, this is easier said than done, but practicing self-compassion can be a powerful tool.

Additionally, building your own confidence is crucial. Start by setting achievable goals for yourself and work diligently to meet them. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and learn from your failures. This will help you rely less on external validation and more on your own sense of accomplishment.

Lastly, set boundaries. Make it clear to yourself and others what you can tolerate and what you cannot. This will not only help you stand your ground when you feel the urge to seek approval from others but also foster healthier relationships.

By taking these steps, you'll be well on your way to a more independent and fulfilling life.

Conclusion

In wrapping up, it's evident that the need to seek approval from others can have far-reaching implications on your emotional well-being, relationships, and personal growth. Understanding the psychological roots of this behavior is the first step toward breaking free. 

Moreover, acknowledging the impact it has on your life allows you to take actionable steps toward self-reliance and self-acceptance. So, as you move forward, consider the strategies discussed to stop seeking approval from others and start living a life that's authentically yours. It's a journey worth taking for the sake of your own happiness and peace of mind.