Why Does A Man Stay With A Woman He Doesn't Love? - 12 Reasons - Olubunmi Mabel
“There is only one happiness in life: to love and to be loved”- George Sand.
One would think that true to George Sand’s quote, marriage will be the place to find this happiness, but it is not so for some.
If you have ever met someone in love, the light in their eyes, the visible joy they exude, and how they speak so glowingly about their love will surely give them away.
Granted, not all married couples are head over heels in love with each other.
Sometimes, or in some seasons, you may disagree or need space from your partner, but when you still love them, those feelings of love will still lead to loving actions despite the temporary conditions.
However, some people basically endure their marriage.
While we talk more about women in this regard, I want you to realize that men are also affected by this too.
Some men are stuck in marriage with a woman they don’t love.
Why does a man even stay with a woman he doesn’t love?
We will be looking to answer this question in this article.
Why Does A Man Stay With A Woman He Doesn’t Love? – 12 Reasons
1. He feels duty bound
Marriage in most places is sealed by a vow to stay with your partner, come what may.
Do the words “till death do us part” ring a bell?
Well, some people take it very seriously, and because they vowed to stay faithful until death, they feel duty-bound to remain with their partners no matter what.
2. His children’s future
Children are great blessings from God, but they can change your life forever.
As a mother, I know how my life took a much different turn after the birth of my kids.
One thing that happened to me was that I stopped being selfish and became more sacrificial.
I am constantly thinking of my kids and how my actions affect them.
Even though a man doesn’t love his wife, he may absolutely adore his children, which gives him reasons to stay in the marriage.
Since he loves his children, he may not want to subject them to the emotional turmoil of a divorce.
An African Proverb says, “When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.”
Children are impacted mainly by divorce, and their Daddy may not want that for his children, so he would rather stay in a marriage with a woman he doesn’t love.
3. Societal status
In certain societies, marriage comes with prestige, and people endure loveless marriages so they don’t lose their status in society.
Leaving a marriage is not like walking through a door; there are lives attached to yours.
The man’s family members, colleagues, neighbors, friends, mentors, and mentees will be impacted by whatever decision he makes.
Considering this may be another reason he chooses to stay married to a woman he doesn’t love.
Similarly, he may also be benefitting from the marriage financially or influence-wise.
He may not mind the missing love factor if the benefits are free-flowing and meet his most pressing needs.
4. His religious and cultural beliefs
Our religious and cultural beliefs affect our value system.
If his religious or cultural beliefs do not allow him to divorce his wife if he doesn’t love her, the man may decide to stay married regardless of his feelings.
He may also not want to lose face in his religious circles if divorce is frowned upon there.
5. She’s a good woman
I have heard stories of men who are married to model women who they are not attracted to.
Yes, she may tick every box except that your heart doesn’t pant after her, and she doesn’t make you feel things.
She may be a great wife, excellent mother, and supportive partner to him after all.
If she also has excellent character and is peaceful, he may decide to be content with that and stay in the marriage even though there are no sparks between them.
6. Finances
Women are mostly more emotional than men, which is reflected in their decision-making.
A good reason a man may stay married to a woman he doesn’t love is finances.
Building a family takes a lot of money, and most financial responsibility may be on the man.
If he weighs his options and sees that he lacks the financial stability to pursue love, he may surrender to fate and be content in a loveless marriage.
7. Fear
Someone once defined fear as “False evidence appearing real.”
How fitting!
In business, the difference between those who remain poor and those who become rich sometimes is their risk appetite in investments.
Many potentially successful business people are held back because of fear, which generally rings true for life.
People remain in the same place and keep doing the same thing for many years even though they know they can be more because they fear what’s on the other side of their dreams and desires.
Even though a man doesn’t love his wife, fear is a compelling enough factor for him to remain married to her.
What is he afraid of, you may ask?
He may be afraid of leaving to start afresh.
Also, he may be afraid of backlash if he decides to call his quits with his wife.
He may also be afraid of the future in general.
Fear of the future is one of the most crippling fears there is.
Since he is uncertain about the future, he would rather remain where he is and endure the marriage he is already in.
8. He doesn’t want to hurt her/sentiments
Some temperaments are very loyal and, as such, will struggle with breaking trust for any reason.
For instance; Phlegmatic temperaments are loyal to a fault.
This may be why he decides to stay married even though he doesn’t love her.
Similarly, he may decide to stay and endure out of sentiment and the desire not to hurt his wife.
He may not love her, but he may care enough for her not to want to break her by leaving.
In fact, they may be very good friends and partners in marriage, hence his resolve to stay even though he doesn’t particularly love her.
9. Adaptation
I read somewhere that the best way to cook a frog is not to throw it in hot boiling water, as it will hop out.
Instead, put it in a pot of cool water and gently cook it on low heat till the frog is cooked.
The frog will unknowingly adapt to the water’s warmness until it is fully cooked.
A man in this situation may be in the same shoes as the cooking frog.
Maybe he stays married to a woman he doesn’t love because he has adapted so much to the situation that he can’t bear to think of a life outside it.
On the one hand, he knows he doesn’t love this woman, but on the other hand, he has resigned to fate and adapted to the conditions of his marriage.
They may also make a great pair in business and family life without romantic feelings, which may be why he stays.
10. It is all a façade
What if it’s all a smokescreen?
You may want to empathize with this man because he is enduring a loveless marriage, but what if it’s all a façade?
He looks like the perfect picture of loyalty, but he is only staying because he has his love outside, and they have their usual rendezvous.
Perhaps he even has children by the side chick he loves while putting up an innocent show for his wife at home.
His lover may even be another man’s wife, hence the need for him to stay in his marriage as a cover for their forbidden love to thrive.
It is the proverbial case of “the more you look, the less you see.”
11. She loves him
I once dated a guy who could bring down the moon for me; he literally worshipped the ground I walked on.
The only issue was that I didn’t feel the same, and this was my deal breaker.
The truth is that not everyone is like this.
Some people feel safer and more content knowing that you love them and can do anything for them.
A man may be so satisfied with his wife’s obvious love and affection that he remains with her even though he doesn’t feel the same.
In this case, he isn’t enduring the relationship; he is only content with being loved wholeheartedly.
12 He hopes things will change
Some people believe that “love will come later,” and truly, I have seen marriage testimonies of couples who fell in love with each other years after being together.
A man may not immediately feel “lovey-dovey” about his wife, but if he shares the “love will come later” ideology, his reason for staying may be hope.
He seeks to build a bond and friendship with her and hopes he will eventually fall in love with her.
Hope is such a powerful force, and you can’t fault him; it just might happen!
