Perfection and Rejection: More Than Just Rhyming Words - Grit & Grace

Perfection and rejection. Rhyming words, sure. Even so, perfection and rejection are so much more than just rhyming words.

Poised and polished.

Those were the results from a writing quiz I took a few months ago. Detail-oriented and organized. Along with those characteristics, my quiz results also highlighted my tendency to let fear hold me back. Without a doubt, the fear of rejection has held me back from so many things in my life.

Because of the quest for perfection – where nothing less than excellence will ever do – that has led to a fear of rejection. If I am rejected, it obviously means I am not perfect, not good enough.

I jotted down some stream of consciousness thoughts after a recent perceived rejection. Yep, perceived rejection: it’s a real thing.

…all the many times I assign thoughts to others that they never actually think. I hold them accountable to harsh judgments they never make. And I own a rejection from them they never gave me.

Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited

Feels just as real, and just as intense as true rejection.

And that perceived rejection led to this very real and beautifully broken dialogue in my mind. On a walk in the rain, it spilled out onto that voice-to-text transmission I blurted out to try and clear my head and make sense of things.

Perceived rejection.

Rejection tries to tell you that you don’t belong to what you thought you belonged to before. Rejection tries to tell you that your work doesn’t mean anything. That it’s all been a lie. Rejection tries to destroy your confidence. Confidence that could be so secure one minute and completely obliterated the next, simply by clicking through a link and not seeing my photo and bio where it should have been. One moment immediately erased all the work I had done for them in the past year. I mean, it didn’t really, but in my heart, soul, and mind it was as if all my work for them had been in vain.

Does the fact that they either forgot or neglected to include me on that contributors list change the work that I’ve done? Has the value that my work brings changed? Does it change my value? Does that rejection erase all that I’ve done and all that I am?

My heart is betrayed when my thoughts go to what people will think when they click through and don’t see me as a contributor. I am more concerned with a validation coming from others then the truth of the validation that comes from God, the validation I already have in God.

Where does this rejection come from? Where does this feeling of being ignored, of not being good enough, of being forgotten come from? Are these still wounds from my childhood that I’m dealing with? Are these still freaking daddy issues that I’m working through?

I am 48 years old, and I am still instantly transported to being that scared little girl I used to be. All with the mere suggestion of being forgotten and rejected.

That shit lasts a long time.

Feeling as if I don’t have a voice, feeling as if no one hears me.

Recovering perfectionist…rejectionist.

The perfectionist rejectionist.

Before you say anything, I know rejectionist is not a real word. I think it should be, though. Above all else, a perfectionist struggles to accept any standard less than perfection. I’d define rejectionist as someone who struggles to accept acceptance. A rejectionist embraces rejection as a way of life. Its shadows are seen behind so many corners, and perceived in so many interactions. My role as perfectionist turns me into a rejectionist when I believe the lie that my failures, my mistakes, and my shortcomings automatically mean rejection is a part of the deal. As a result, since imperfection is reality for life on this side of eternity, so is the rejection caused by it, real or perceived.

The perfectionist rejectionist. I guess you could call it a Frankenstein of my own making. It’s a creature as real as any dark force in a Stephen King novel.

The fight for faith becomes a raging mob in my mind, equipped with flaming torches and pitchforks. I am ready to banish the beast. Holding my thoughts captive, as opposed to ignoring them or letting them run away from me. Comparing them to truth. Renewing my thoughts.

Honestly, I’ve always had a soft spot for the poor guy. Surrounded by people that feared and misunderstood him. Cast aside by very real rejection. Undoubtedly, his story is a scary example of what happens when you don’t deal with those monsters of your own creation in grace, kindness, truth, and compassion.

I think that’s where I’ll end my little Frankenstein analogy, and this post.

Becky is a Miami native, and has lived here all of her life. Married to her husband for over 20 years, they lead a very active lifestyle along with their three teenagers and Riley, their rescue dog. Becky loves to teach, and has had the awesome privilege of home educating her children for over twelve years. When not teaching academics, Becky loves to equip, encourage, and empower women through the teaching of her group fitness classes. Becky and her husband lead various ministries, and their family loves to serve the community through the countless opportunities provided over the past twenty years+ in their local church. She enjoys filling her "free" time with reading, writing, watching movies, and just spending time with the family. Becky has a passion for living her life with grit and grace, and encouraging others to do the same.