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If You “Lost” Him, He Wasn’t Yours


(Photo: Unsplash)

As I observe relationships around me and the experiences of some women in their relationships, I realize that probably the majority of women’s major problems come from their romantic relationships. Many women have been willing to suffer a great deal.

A lot of women are willing to compromise their values and joy in order to keep a man around. Some have foundational beliefs that they are willing to compromise and participate in behaviors that they would not normally participate in, just to keep a man around.

Examples of things some women do to get and keep a man:

• Some women submit to sexually degrading acts in order to please and keep a man around. At their man’s request, some end up bringing another woman (maybe even another man) into the relationship. Yet, this is not something they would do otherwise.

• There are even women who have an “open” relationship with their boyfriend. Often and conveniently, the relationship is more open for him than for her. Yes, she puts up with it too.

• Some Christian women are settling for church-going men who tell them they are “too Christian” so the women dilute their faith stance to conform to their man’s.

For lonely Christian women to prioritize pleasing a man above pleasing God is idolatry.

A woman should never be afraid to lose a man or be afraid to be without one. A woman should be able to set high standards, set healthy boundaries, stick to them and be content. If a man cannot measure up to her standards and wants to operate outside of her boundaries, then he’s not the one for her.

It is as simple as that. It is very often that a godly woman with high standards will not encounter a man who is on the same level as she is. Because of this, some women are either tempted to settle or they actually do settle.

It is important for women to understand that such women who have settled for less are part of the reason that women in general are having such a difficult time finding a man on their level in the first place.

Unfortunately, the average man is often willing to do only as much work and be as much of a man of integrity as the woman requires. They take the easy and convenient route for themselves. This means that they will go for the numerous women out there who are willing to settle.

Because these types of men have so many options due to the fact that too many women are desperate, this leaves these men without a need to measure up. They will bypass decent and godly women to go for women who will be easier to deal with. These women tend to have low standards and will not hold them accountable.

The men often do not need to be at the right level morally to have the women that they desire. The common tendency for these types of men is to take the path of least resistance. They take the easy out. They go for lonely and desperate women.

There are plenty women who keep enabling this vicious cycle. In order for a woman to choose correctly and wisely, the woman needs to have healthy self-love. She needs knowledge of her own value as an individual and as a woman.

Knowledge is power and a very necessary tool in cultivating and maintaining a safe, healthy relationship.

For those who desire to know God’s truth, the word of God is available. Men and women of God who comply to Bible commands are available to mentor those who need it.

This would help young ladies in their walk with God and help them in navigating life and relationships. Sadly, many young ladies and girls are not getting the proactive help that they need when it comes to having the knowledge and strength to make wise decisions.

Many ladies are lacking knowledge about men and about the game. Some have or had fathers who did not give them this vital information. Based on my observations, it appears that there are plenty of fathers who are preoccupied with trying to make sure their daughters are not having sex.

Yet, full protection of her would be to also build her up with knowledge by giving away the game to her. Tell her the secrets, the ploys of many of the men out there so that she is armed against their tricks.

Many women who have experience in dating or marriage have learned some very hard lessons on their own. Much younger teen and adolescent girls are also often neglected in that they are not mentored and given the knowledge they need. They don’t have the experience, so they walk into relationship traps.

There are men who specifically prefer very young ladies who lack understanding and experience. These ladies can be quite vulnerable. Some Christian women meet wolves in the church.

Some ladies meet these types of men at church functions and elsewhere, but don’t know how to recognize a wool-wearing wolf. A man spews a few Bible verses at some women and forget it.

All of a sudden, in their mind he is Mr. Super Christian. Deception can happen because a woman does not keep God first and is not discerning, but is controlled by natural desires and loneliness.

When ladies can recognize the wolves and learn to stay away from them, they can marry more wisely. This will lead to positive change within the family structures and within the churches and society.

When a godly woman gets the knowledge she needs, keeps God first, marries the right God-fearing man and builds a family with him, God is being glorified.

This was and is God’s plan for men and women (who desire marriage and family): to marry, be fruitful, multiply and represent Christ and the Church on earth. Don’t be afraid to lose a man. If he leaves, he isn’t and wasn’t yours. If he leaves because you have the right standards, he is the one missing out.

The same goes for a man who has a lady who cannot appreciate the fact that he is a good man. If she wants to leave, he can let her go and be free for the woman who is appreciative of the right kind of God-fearing man.

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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