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A Primary Reason He Doesn’t Need a Wife.


(Photo: Unsplash)

This message is not for everyone, except those who can receive it. I say this because I do not try to force my beliefs on people who do not believe the way I do. I truly respect the fact that not everybody is a Christian. Still, this post is not only for women who profess to be Christians, but also is general advice and pointers for ladies of any belief and value system who are willing to receive the message.

There are sisters in Christ who have a hard time coming across serious-minded, God-fearing Christian men who want to get married. I also am aware that regardless of religious beliefs, other women are distraught and desire the same things: love, a close relationship, and (preferably lifelong) commitment within marriage. Yet, marriage is not as easily accessible for some of the more conservative, morally conscious women. This is true of women I know personally and there is a major reason for it.

Though it is not the sole reason, a primary reason more men do not feel the need to get married is because of easy fornication.

Although there have been social and family pressures for people to get married, sexual desire is real and has always been a driving factor. Apostle Paul wisely pointed this out. “So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” 1 Corinthians 7: 8-9.

Frequency of desire and intensity of desire are a real thing for the vast majority of men. Nowadays, almost every man can get sex outside of marriage whenever he wants. Sex is one incentive for some Christian men to get married in the first place. When they were not readily able to get sex outside of marriage, men must have realized their options: either get married, find a prostitute or go without sex.

They tended to chose either of the former two options and not the latter. Many chose marriage. Now, plenty Christian men don’t need to get married in order to enjoy all the sex that they want. There are other inventions too, such as pornography that many men and some women are involved in. This is not a post of wrong judgment. I understand that Christians make mistakes. I have made many of my own. I also understand that people live a variety of lifestyles. There are plenty of men and women who seem to think there is nothing wrong with sex outside of marriage. I am not trying to change their mind.

However, the purpose of this post is to bring awareness to this issue for those who are aware of God’s plan, but deviate from it. This post is to bring awareness to those Christian women who want to marry according to God’s purpose, but wonder why they are being overlooked. There are various reasons some men and women don’t want to get married, but I am highlighting one primary reason why some men don’t feel the need to get married.

There are also certain women who are playing a big role in the fact that some Christian women are being overlooked. The abstinate Christian women are being overlooked in favor of women who are not Christian, or in favor of women who profess Christianity, but are having sex with their man outside of marriage.

Christian women must stop prioritizing having sex and having a man over God.

Prioritizing sex and men over God certainly does not apply to all Christian women. Not all unmarried Christian women are having sex. Instead of requiring marriage before they give away their bodies, some Christian women are having sex with their man outside of marriage.

Perhaps they hope that things will still somehow work out. Some Christian women expect marriage and a faithful husband, while giving him most or all husband benefits outside of marriage. This is because those women are not faithful to God themselves. They may think a man who disobeys God by fornicating with them will somehow be a faithful, God-fearing man otherwise.

It doesn’t normally work that way. Some Christian couples have sex before marriage and end up getting married. They remain married and faithful to each other. Some other Christian couples who have sex before marriage do not have such a happy ending. The point is that Christians should do right in the sight of God, regardless. It seems that it is becoming more and more rare for some Christians to be obedient to God in the area of theirsexuality.

When engaged women save sex until marriage, their engagement is likely to be much shorter.

This in contrast to being engaged for years, the way some sexually active women are. God gave people sexual desire. He gave the man a strong sex drive and intended for the man to pursue the woman of his desire and to have his needs, as well as his wife’s needs met within the confines of a monogamous marriage.

For a long time, a large percentage of men (and women) have been able to get their sexual needs met outside of marriage. So why would some men marry and take on the responsibilities that come along with marriage when they can get free sex with little responsibility? It is natural; humans tend to want the easy, most convenient way of doing things. Doing things God’s way is not convenient and easy on the flesh.

Many people are concerned about sexual incompatibility. What if things don’t work out sexually? This concern is understandable, but not a valid reason for Christians to disobey Bible commands to abstain from sex outside of marriage.

Rather, they should pray, use discernment and have necessary and honest conversations about sexual expectations before their marriage. A couple in love should be able to find a way to work out any isssues and learn how to please each other.

• It is not uncommon at all for professed Christian women to be having pre-marital sex with professed Christian men. People who claim to be God-fearing are fornicating.

• This is a main reason why there are not more marriages happening for a significant number of Christian women who will not participate in fornication.

• Those Christian women who decide to do what is right by abstaining from sex are often overlooked by some men, in favor of the women who will give it up.

Please be encouraged, my fellow sisters in Christ who are not willing to compromise! Remain faithful to God no matter what.

Those men who do not desire godly women that don’t give it up outside of marriage are not men Christian women should consider becoming involved with anyhow. Some are practicing consistent fornication. As if it is okay. But they are showing up in church and following the routines. Following them could lead right to the gates of hell.

Where is the fear of God among those men? Where is their godly leadership? Only God knows where they truly stand. Especially, those who claim to be Christians. Some live the life of a “Christian” bachelor and then when they are 70- to 80 years old, they are ready to “settle down.” Settle down where? Into the grave?

Sadly, some women will take what they can get and marry a man who has strung them along for decades. When people adopt religious routines, spiritual rituals and have the fear of man more than they fear God, they are not able to live righteously. They put on a religious front for people that can deceive many.

This is what is happening and has happened to some Christian women in the church. Many have been duped by church-going men. When professed Christian women idolize men and place them in priority above God and His righteousness, they continue to reinforce the deficit of men of integrity that exists even amongst professed Christian men. If Christian women are not discerning, we can be deceived.

Some women do not seem to understand the influence they have. The more women settle, the more some men know they don’t have to measure up. The less women require, the less the average man will do.

A majority of women must hold themselves accountable to higher standards and require the same of their men, in order for the men to see that they don’t have much of an option other than to get on board with doing what is right-or go without the woman. A woman is what many want and feel they need. The problem is that many women simply do not have the right requirements.

They are complicit in compromising values, or, they have jumped on the anything goes, pretty much anything is permissible bandwagon. So the men who want the easy way out always have many options among those kinds of women. If these men meet a woman who has higher standards, they are easily able to ditch her in favor of the many women who will compromise.

Women cannot control what men do. The ladies are influential though. Women are responsible for their own behavior and also responsible for not reinforcing men’s bad behavior. Women are responsible for what they put up with. Some women were indoctrinated from a young age to believe that their worth is a result of having a man.

The Christian women who continously settle for less out of desperation in order to have a man are causing a lot of harm. God ordained marriage and the family. Healthy marriages and healthy families are happening less frequently. I know of Christians whose marriage was affected by abuse, infidelity and divorce. Religious routines do not work. It is important to go all the way with God.

Women must understand that we influence the overall trajectory in a very significant way. Too many women are afraid to be single. Some men are looking for an easy out: to be able to have sex outside of marriage, to do the minimal in many regards and still get what they want from women. Some women are providing this for them.

Women who may otherwise have had better standards are afraid that if they raise their standards, they will be single. In talking to some women, I realize that they have given up on requiring more of men, because they think if they require more, they will be single. So what if a woman is single? Why are so many afraid to not be in a relationship? She is better off in single status than being in a relationship with a man who does not love her, does not treat her well and is not committed to her.

The ultimate act of commitment by a man is when he not only marries his woman, but remains faithful to her. Unfortunately, some women do not require such commitment and loyalty.

In conclusion, it is certain women who are influencing and driving the deficit of men of integrity, because they accept them. A lot of boys aren’t raised within their homes to be men who pursue love and monogamy. Some do not witness their father demonstrating such. They often don’t have other strong, righteous male mentors instructing and influencing them either. Sometimes, there is not a strong emphasis placed on boys in cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships and being faithful to one woman.

Instead, many boys are more influenced by worldly influences, including toxic peer pressure. They are socially conditioned the wrong way without proper counteraction from their fathers or other positive male influencers. Many sadly develop deep insecurities along the way as well. As a result, they find false affirmation in taking many women to bed. Some develop an objectifying, contemptuous attitude toward women.

Often, they are not rebuked by other men for this. In some cases, they are still able to get all the sex and women that they want no matter how they behave. It seems that some are a lot more proud of taking many women to bed than being faithful to one woman. It is a messed up way of thinking influenced by the culture.

Some men fiercely protect their heart while liberally taking women to bed. They do not want to take the risk to love. They just want the sex. Women looking for love often pursue love with these types of men and get hurt.

I am not bashing men. Often them being hurt and influenced by the culture drives their behaviors. Healing is needed. For the sake of awareness, I am just pointing out some of their behaviors that are harmful. I am emphasizing the need for women , especially Christian women to counteract those behaviors instead of enabling them.

A stance of abstinence is not a popular one. My desire to do right has to outweigh any desire to please my flesh or fit in with the status quo. As a Christian woman, it is up to me to hold unwaveringly onto godly values and do what is right in the sight of God. Whatever the consequences are, it is totally worth it. I must love God most. I must want to please God more than I want to fit in.

I must love God more than I love the idea of having a man. I must know my own worth. I will answer to God one day. Not only do I want to please Him in response to His love for me, but I don’t want to be guilty of loving and placing anyone or anything else above Him.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Romans 12: 1

 

Used with permission from Petrina Ferguson.

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