Adultery is Abuse: Affairs of the Heart & Body Are Spiritually Damaging - The DV Walking Wounded:
What is “cheating” or adultery? Cheating can come in different forms, both mental and physical. I classify mental as “soft cheating,” as in thinking about being with another person or even actively “talking” to someone in a romantic/sexual way (or even email/texing/instant messaging). Being physically unfaithful is more explanatory, however can be as simple as kissing or touching, but go further into sexual relations. Both are cheating, however.
Narcissists cheat because they have to be constantly validated. Many times they have sexual addictions as well. Narcissists know that if they cannot beat their victims into submission, in one way or another, that they have to look for another validation “supply.” Once their victim has figured them out, they move on to the next victim.
Adultery, while traditionally understood as a betrayal of marital or relationship vows, can also be seen as a form of emotional and spiritual abuse within the context of a committed relationship. While the Bible doesn’t explicitly label adultery as “domestic abuse” in modern psychological terms, it strongly emphasizes the destructive, violating, and deeply wounding nature of adultery, particularly in the context of covenant relationships like marriage. This damage can absolutely fall under the broader umbrella of abuse when viewed through a holistic lens.
Cheating is damaging, but abusive? Here’s how adultery can be seen as abuse—and supported by Scripture:
1. Adultery is a betrayal that breaks the sacred marital covenant
Scripture:
“You ask, ‘Why?’ It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”
— Malachi 2:14 (NIV)
Why it matters:
Marriage in the Bible is a covenant, not just a contract. Betraying that covenant—especially through repeated, deceitful infidelity—is a form of covenantal violence. God equates unfaithfulness in marriage with spiritual betrayal and warns of the deep harm it causes.
2. Adultery causes deep emotional and psychological harm
Scripture:
“He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.”
— Proverbs 6:32–33 (ESV)
Why it matters:
These verses describe not only the consequences to the unfaithful person but imply lasting damage—wounds, dishonor, disgrace—that affect the entire family. Infidelity introduces fear, instability, humiliation, and trauma into the home—hallmarks of emotional abuse.
3. Adultery is spiritually violent
Scripture:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
— Matthew 5:27–28 (NIV)
Why it matters:
Jesus goes even deeper—saying that even lustful intent can violate the marriage bond. This underscores that adultery is not just physical; it’s a heart-level betrayal, one that can corrode trust and safety in a relationship.
4. God permits separation from an adulterous spouse
Scripture:
“But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery…”
— Matthew 5:32 (ESV)
Why it matters:
Jesus Himself recognizes that sexual immorality (Greek: porneia) is a legitimate ground for divorce. That’s significant. It means that in God’s eyes, adultery is a violation so severe, so violating, that it may justify ending the marriage—a recognition of its abusive, covenant-breaking nature.
So how is adultery abuse?
- It destroys emotional safety in the home.
- It often involves deceit, gaslighting, and manipulation—tools of psychological abuse.
- It exposes spouses to health risks without consent—violating bodily autonomy.
- It undermines trust and security, especially when children are involved.
- It leaves spiritual and emotional wounds that can last for years.
When adultery is part of a pattern—especially alongside lies, secrecy, manipulation, and refusal to change—it can easily become part of a broader pattern of coercive control and emotional violence, making it a form of domestic abuse under modern definitions.
Also, as a closing personal note, the only acceptable form of divorce is from an abusive person, whatever manner of abuse that they chose to inflict. While God dislikes divorce, He hates abuse even more. Narcissists come into a sacred covenant in a deceitful manner, so it no longer is a binding contract. Period. Our lives matter, as we must treat our bodies as temples. We keep these abusers from committing harm and murder, so we protect one of the Lord’s most precious creations: ourselves!
I also wanted to add that even though I mostly don’t listen to influencer Logan Paul or agree with him, I did hear him say something very pertinent recently: “It so easy to not cheat. It’s hard to cheat. You have to go behind someone’s back that you love…you have to go to someone’s house or a location, plan some sh*t, get physical with them, finish the job…then go home to the person that you —- disgusting! It’s (insert expletive here)!!! I will never understand it!” That was his response to the allegations of his wife cheating on him recently.
