Are You Forgetting These Powerful Ways to Show Respect? - Lisa E Betz

You and I want to be kind, thoughtful, compassionate humans. But sometimes we get too focused on our own problems and agendas and we forget to think about others as much as we would wish. This post is a gentle reminder to be mindful of attitudes and habits that may have crept into our lives—habits that lead to us to inadvertently fail to show respect as fully as we could.

I hope these five tips inspire you and enable you to treat others as kindly as possible.

Show respect by honoring people’s boundaries

Healthy boundaries are important for a thriving life. However, if we expect people to honor our boundaries, we must reciprocate by honoring theirs.

This is not always easy.

Because honoring other people’s boundaries means we don’t always get what we want.

Respecting boundaries means we must honor their right to say no to our requests. And we must honor their right to change their priorities, even when it means they are willing to give less time and attention than we’re used to receiving. [Obviously, respecting boundaries looks different when we have authority over them, such as a parent-child relationship. That is another topic.]

Respecting someone’s boundaries means accepting their “no” without interrogating, pestering, or guilting. We don’t need to understand their reason for declining our request. We don’t need to approve of their decisions, even when they seem illogical or unwarranted. Finally, we must not take it personally. A no from someone is not a rejection of us, merely a choice about a specific action.

Be quick to honor other’s boundaries instead of pushing them. Learn to notice when you may be intruding on their boundaries without them having to state the fact in so many words. This shows you respect their wellbeing.

Respect other people’s time

Time is a limited and precious commodity for everyone. We’ve probably all spent an hour waiting in a doctor’s office, getting increasingly grumpy over the imposition the long wait is making on our day’s agenda.

Don’t inflict this feeling on others by disrespecting their time.

5 ways to respect another’s time:

Be punctual. When you are late to an appointment, meeting, or lunch date, you are making the other person wait, which is disrespectful of their time. [Sometimes being late is unavoidable, but don’t make it your usual habit.]
Avoid canceling plans at the last minute. Consider the time (and money) others have expended to prepare for the event. Deciding at the last minute you simply don’t feel like going is selfish.
Don’t hog someone’s time. Be mindful of the time someone is devoting to you and your needs. Don’t abuse their kindness (or lack of boundaries) by taking an unreasonable amount.
Don’t demand immediate attention. Respect other people’s agendas and workloads. Expecting them to drop what they are doing to pay attention to you is not respectful of them or of others they may be serving before they get to you.
Don’t shortchange others with your time. To look at time from a different angle, respect others by giving them the time and attention they can rightly expect from you. If you agree to participate in an event or duty, it is disrespectful to all involved when you leave early on a whim.

Show Respect for other people’s space

First of all, this means respecting people’s personal bubbles—and we don’t all have the same size bubbles. Make sure your attempt at friendliness doesn’t cross the line into invading their space. This typically comes across as being aggressive and makes the other uncomfortable.

In a similar light, respect other people’s personal territory and possessions. This includes homes, yards, offices, etc. Show respect by knocking before entering and asking permission before borrowing items. When we honor private spaces, we honor those who live in them.

Show respect to all the people using a public space. Keep your conversations and actions from disturbing or inconveniencing others. And don’t leave your stuff or your vehicle in another’s way.

Finally, don’t barge through doors without consideration of others nearby. Instead, give others the “right of way” or hold doors for them. These small acts of kindness send a positive message.

Respect people’s opinions, even when you disagree

Criticizing or ridiculing someone’s opinions, ideologies, or cultural preferences is the same as criticizing the person—whether they are present at the time or not. We respect others by recognizing they are entitled to see the world differently than we do. We can respectfully disagree without being untrue to our own beliefs or criticizing theirs.

Also beware the more subtle mistake of assuming others share your opinions on a topic. This often slips into conversation when we make statements like: “I can’t believe anyone is so dumb as to support X, or so lacking in taste they would watch show Y.”

What if someone in the conversation does in fact support X or enjoy watching Y? You’ve now insulted them. Ouch!

Show respect by not asking intrusive questions

We know that certain topics are intrusive (or hot buttons) and therefore not suitable for casual conversation with strangers or acquaintances. For example: how much they earn, their reasons for not having children, or where they were born (which implies they’re clearly not from around here).

But how do we know when we’ve crossed the line from sincere curiosity to disrespect?

First of all, consider how well you know the person. A question asked by a stranger out of the blue might be offensive, while the same question asked by a caring friend in private may be acceptable. (Note timing and location are also part of the equation.)

Rule of thumb: Always use restraint when it comes to satisfying your curiosity about someone in any area of their life. Also, starting out with “May I ask you a personal question” does not make your question more polite. It just puts the other person even more on the spot.