Are You Haunted by Your Past?
As I walked into the room where his body lay, numb and breathless, the picture came back again. Just as it keeps coming back repeatedly for months _ it’s been three months. The accident. The accident I couldn’t forgive myself for.
I wanted to be saved from this, to be healed from the torment of my past sin, but I honestly didn’t think I was ready for any healing. I deserve the torment, for a little while at least.
That night. I could remember my words led him to the road. To the accident. To his death. Crazy death couldn’t just let him go, why couldn’t anyone tell death that he had lived for a mere 25 years, with unaccomplished dreams and plans. Plans that had me in it. That had our future kids in it.
That evening, we’ve just had a heated argument on something that had to do with our future, it was something we always argued about and I desperately wanted him to see things my way. I got angry when he tried to end the discussion when we hadn’t even settled for anything, I hated that it was a habitual thing for him – leaving without settling things, and I told him so.
He grabbed his sweater, saying he’d love to sit at the balcony for some time to clear his hand, and I asked if the the balcony was enough for him to clear his mind. He read it to be he needed more than a balcony to have a clear mind.
I didn’t exactly mean it that bad, all I did was act on my anger with my words.
Daniel listened to me and walked out the door, he said a short walk would clear his head. He’s been having that short walk, because he didn’t come back. The short walk led him to his death. He didn’t see the truck coming, and it crushed him.
That was the past that I couldn’t let go, those memories clung to me and I forgot who I was and what I wanted.
It tormented me every night with pictures of the night, reminding me that I had a bad mouth and would definitely make a bad wife. 
Darling, read :
If there’s anyone I know who enjoys living in the past, it’s the devil. The past is one of the most favorite places for the devil. Don’t let him drag you there with him. We should understand how the devil can make us see our past in everything we do, especially if it’s the kind of past you don’t relate with anymore. He’ll keep playing them, trying to fill your heart with humiliation and shame (he actually succeeds most times.) I really hope that no matter how much he makes you feel unforgiven and dirty, you know the truth. The truth he’s trying to blind you to. I understand that if parts of your past life is being placed on reruns, you wouldn’t enjoy what is being displayed on the screen. It would hurt you like a knife being sliced into you. Sure, it would hurt you so bad.
One mistake we all find ourselves doing which gives the enemy edge over us when it comes to displaying pictures of our past is that whenever he presents those old pictures to us, we cower in fear, we hide in shame. We bow our heads in disgust and brood over what we just remembered.
Stop it!
One, Turn it around and make the devil lose at his own game, by using that for good.
Use it to be grateful to God for knowing how bad and disgusting your past was, but despite all that he hugged you in reconciliation and kissed you in love. Use that remembrance to be filled with thanksgiving knowing the terrible place God brought you out from and the place of Light He has brought you to now.
Use it to up your skills in love and Thanksgiving to God.
Use this to celebrate God’s Grace in your life. Celebrate the change, regeneration and transformation your life is constantly going through.
Two, use it as a medium to teach others. Don’t cower in shame. Use it to advise and counsel people. Don’t be ashamed of it. Let them know they can be changed too, let them know God can heal them too. You see someone taking the same path, use your past to draw them back into the small route. Use it to teach growing Christians in the community. Your siblings. Your Children. Anyone who needs it.
You can always come to God in prayer when your past haunts you. God doesn’t live in the past. No, when you come before you, He sees a child, not whatever your past is presenting to you.
Ever since you said yes to Christ, God sees a different person now. You’ve been forgiven by God.
Satan can be the “accuser of [the] brethren” all he wants to be (Rev. 12:10, but it doesn’t change a bit of Jesus fulfilled on the cross.)
Rom.8.1 – There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
1John.1.9 – But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.
Hi! Thank you for taking your time to read through this. I’m still Idara, please feel free drop your thoughts on this : comments, contributions or questions about this or anything else.
Remember, I’m available for discussions. Send me a message via my email address. Thank you!
I love you, and God loves you even better.
Next time.
@just.idara
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