Cheaters "under the influence" - Divorce Minister
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit….
Ephesians 5:18, NIV
What if your cheater was drunk or “under the influence” of another drug when she cheated?
I actually have more hope for those marriages than the ones where a substance was not involved. My reasoning is the substance often transforms people and compromises their values.
Now, the drunk cheater is still responsible for her behavior, 100%. They need to make amends–i.e. repent and make restitution.
And they need to deal with their addiction. Most likely, they will need professional help to deal with this chronic disease that they have.
When I played football, we had a summer education about sexual assault and how getting drunk did not relieve us from facing consequences for our actions. Just as “I was drunk” will not cut it before a human judge, I do not think it cuts it before God.
One of the consequences of cheating on a spouse is opening the door for the faithful party to leave without shame (see Matthew 19:9).
Regardless of the cheating circumstances, this permission from Jesus to divorce a sexually unfaithful spouse remains. It is the faithful spouse’s prerogative to decide whether he or she wants to stay and work through the burnt out mess the cheater made.
I recommend NOT staying unless the cheater is 100% willing to own their issues–including the cheating–and do the heavy lifting of dealing with their demons.
You cannot fix a relationship by yourself.
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