Comfort and Condolences — Grateful, yet Grieving
The dictionary defines condolence as
con·do·lence a plural noun: condolences
an expression of sympathy, especially on the occasion of a death.
"We offer our sincere condolences to his widow.”
After the death of my husband, I received numerous sympathy cards. I’ve kept them as a means of remembering the words of comfort and condolence that people took time to write and send. Each card held meaning and gave me a symbol that people care. Words are full of power.
Proverbs 25:11 (CSB) “A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples in silver settings.”
What are some helpful ways to demonstrate sympathy and offer words of comfort? How do we comfort those grieving? Here are some thoughts on how to comfort well:
Acknowledge the loss in some way. Send a note, show up, say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Bringing a meal or offering to cut the grass are meaningful gestures of care and comfort.
Listen well without asking too many questions. When someone asked me, “How are you?” I could only respond with, “I’m upright, breathing, and hanging on to Jesus.” There are so few words to describe the grief. One of the best things someone said to me in the first few months after my husband died was, “It’s good to see you.” Those words were balm to my soul. I didn’t want to be invisible in my pain.
Follow up with a call, text, or note six months down the road to check in. The first few months people are available. Often it’s the six-month mark that the grief hits the hardest and people have moved on with their lives.
One of the most tender gestures I’ve received is when someone has texted or sent a note to remember the day my husband died. After five years, I still am touched when someone reaches out to acknowledge the day my life changed.
We’re all busy and moving at a fast pace. Taking time to let people know you care is a key to helping those who grieve move through the process. Expressing comfort and condolences to those who are grieving will always be a gift.
