Could this be why you're so annoyed?

Ever have something just smack you in the face when you least expect it? That was me this morning.

Every morning I wake up and journal, pray, and read. Trust me, that's not a "flex" as the cool kids say. I don't always do it willingly or with a smile on my face. I've just realized that I have to. If I don't, I'm just "off." Even more so than normal. Many days it's a joy, but some days it's a slog.

My daily posts always come out of that time. I abide with God, seek what he's telling me, ask him what he wants me to say here, and then I just do it.

This morning was an... adventure.

I went A LOT of places. I wrote down A LOT of things. I found myself in A LOT of Bible verses. I didn't know if they would connect, but I just kept going.

Finally, at one point, I thought I had "it" — what I was supposed to write about. It had something to do with a lizard. Yes, a lizard. Trust me, it was going to be good. My son, though, came into my office and asked me to help him with something. I was at a good stopping point, so I took a quick break. I walked downstairs to help him and refill my coffee.

And that's where it hit me. Standing in front of the coffee machine with a "coffee makes me poop" mug hovering over my head: "Jon, you're irritable because you're selfish."

"Ummmm, OK?”

I wasn't expecting that. But I was quickly reminded about something I wrote down during yesterday's journaling time. See, I've found myself on edge lately. I've noticed, my wife has noticed, and my kids especially have noticed. Little things have become more annoying than normal. My patience has been tested. My fuse has been shorter. It's not that I'm flying off the handle, but I just feel.... off. Annoyed. Perturbed. And I don't like it.

So yesterday, I asked God why.

"Father, give me peace. I've felt so on edge lately. Frustrated. Why?"

That's what I wrote down. And guess what: He didn't give me an answer. At least I didn't think he did.

But actually, he did. I just didn't realize it at the time. And this morning he made that clear.

See, tucked at the end of my journal entry yesterday was something I thought was just kind of a flyer thought. It came to me at the last minute, and so I wrote it down. I didn't think much of it. Here's what it said: "Jon, lead through serving. Serve your wife and your family."

OK. Great. Good reminder. And I just left it at that.

The actual entry from my journal. As you can see, I was “all over the place.” Then this morning happened. "Jon, you're agitated because you're selfish. You feel entitled to (fill in the blank), and when you don't get it you get annoyed."

(Gulp.) I was hit with conviction. I've learned to become curious about these things, so I asked myself, "What's the anecdote to that?"

God responded: "You wrote it down yesterday: serve. That's why I gave you that."

Dang it!

Almost instantly I was reminded of the verses in James 4. That's where the author is talking about why those he's writing to are fighting a lot, why they're annoyed, and why they can't get along:

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."

In other words, they're agitated because they feel entitled to (fill in the blank), and when they don't get it they get upset.

Sound familiar? It did to me.

Friend, I've found myself agitated lately because I am an entitled sinner. I feel entitled to "me time." I feel entitled to "respect." I feel entitled to "be heard." And it goes on and on. In the words of the song, "I know what I want, and I want it now!"

Listen, those things I rattled off aren't inherently bad. But when we make them idols, when we want them above our call to serve, everything gets out of whack. Those things are a natural outflow of servant leadership. They happen, they cannot be demanded.

That's what God was showing me this morning as I refilled my coffee mug.

So if you find yourself agitated, on edge, ornery, let me encourage you to check your entitlements. Are you demanding that you get what you want, or are you earning it through servant leadership?

And don't be surprised how and where God shows you the answer. It might just be as you’re face-to-face with a “coffee makes me poop” mug.

Jonathon M. Seidl is writer, speaker, and author. He runs the popular "Dear Jon" blog at Substack where he writes every morning. He's also the author of the bestselling book on faith and mental health, "Finding Rest." To access all of his posts, become a free subscriber at readdearjon.com.

(Picture: Recently, my daughter made me a little present. She took a balloon and some old beans and made me a stress ball. Just because. She just wanted to do something nice for me. She didn't want or ask for anything in return. We all need to do that more.)