In other words, a woman shouldn’t be afraid to lose the man who is not right for her. Likewise, men should not be afraid of losing women who are not the right ones for them. If a person walks away, why stress for too long?
Rest assured, that if it was meant to be, it would be. How does a woman know a man is not right for her? There will be signs. I have always seen signs, even when I ignored them in the past. One of the main signs was my intuition. What I intuitively believed, turned out to be factual.
In a recent post, I talked about the man who is a keeper. Now, it’s time to address the situation where the man is not the right one. People want to be happy; yet many choose unhappiness by staying in unhealthy situations.
Some people are unhappy, but remain in their relationships for various reasons. Some fear being alone. If a woman loses the man who is not meant for her, she never had him for keeps, anyway.
She is now free and available for the one who is the right one. Or, at least, she is free as a single woman. We live in a time where many people basically have an anything goes mindset. This ideology exists among many folks. Plenty people have become their own “gods” who govern themselves.
To them, things that are morally right or wrong are only a matter of subjectivity; personal preferences and opinions. People have gotten away from the true living God and His commandments. Many people serve the god of self.
God cares about the quality of the relationships we have. He has commanded us to love one another.
Nowadays, ulterior motives and selfishness often drive people’s ambitions, including their pursuit of relationships. In this post, I am focusing on women who are dating or courting in unhealthy relationships, and are wasting their time.
I am not referring to relationship difficulties that can or will be worked out. People have issues and sometimes are able to work things out. That’s love that is meant to be. In this post, I’m talking about situations where it is clearly not going to work.
Relationship status does not matter nearly as much as relationship quality matters.
Having a relationship or getting married should not be motivated by a desire to simply carry on tradition. It shouldn’t be an attempt to bring to fruition a romance novel or fairytale.
The desire for a relationship or marriage should not be rooted in selfishness with the primary focus on what one will get out of the marriage. Instead, the focus for both people should mainly be on what they will put into their relationship.
I do not want to get into or remain in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of being alone. Some people, especially, some women, seem to truly fear being single. Part of the reason for this is because this is how many girls and women have been conditioned by society.
This is changing somewhat, though. Nowadays, many girls and women are being bombarded with messages about their worth and how not to settle for less than they deserve.
Here are some common relationship issues I have seen among some women who stay with their partners, regardless of the toxicity.
▪︎ Some women are in situations where the men have told them in a straightforward way that they are NOT interested in anything serious.
But those women don’t accept this. They seem to believe they can change the men’s minds if they stick around and try to make the connections or interactions with the men into more than what they really are.
As long as the woman sticks around acting like they have something real, and she is having sex with him, of course, he will keep her around. She needs to understand the reality, that she is a placeholder; an option for him to play with for a season.
Any man that wants to be with a woman for the long haul is not going to tell her that he is not looking for something serious. This is pretty basic, but due to loneliness or other factors, some women interpret the situation differently. Maybe some women are looking for the man to change his mind, but really, a man should not have to tell a woman twice.
▪︎ Some women do not treat their men well. They do not respect them. They do not affirm them. They do not appreciate them. They emasculate their men. Yet, they do not have the decency to leave the relationship, if for whatever reason, the men won’t leave them.
Some women just love the situation of being in a relationship, the situation of having a man, no matter what. They also enjoy the fringe benefits that come with their relationships.
▪︎ I have observed that there are women going for men who do not behave as adults. A woman playing a motherly role to her man can lead to her not respecting him and can lead to resentment for both parties involved.
▪︎ Other women are involved with men who are dangerous, because their men are physically, verbally or otherwise abusive. Yet, these women stay, often for complicated reasons. For sure, unfortunately, some men are with abusive women as well, and they won’t leave.
▪︎ Some women are being cheated on, but they make excuses for their men and stay with them.
Or, they end things with them, then take them back. Yet, the men are still the cheaters that they were previously. Sometimes, the women stay and they cheat back on their men also! Dysfunction junction, it is. They cheat back and forth on each other, but stay together.
▪︎ Some women ignore all kinds of red flags, alarm bells, and stop signs in order to proceed into relationships or marriages that they should know better than to proceed into, based on their observations.
Unfortunately, it is easy to have on blinders when in love, or even when in love with the idea of love. Some women simply see what they want to see.
▪︎ Other women are accepting bare minimum, as if their men are going above and beyond, for doing the basics.
For example, the woman who has a man who works hard, but he is rude, belittling, disrespectful to her. Her excuse may be that at least, he’s responsible. As if as an adult, him acting like a grown, responsible man is going above and beyond the call of duty.
Truth of the matter is, a woman should be able to have a man who is responsible, respectful and kind to her. Why should it have to be one or the other?
Another example is if a woman is being cheated on, but she says that at least her man buys her expensive things. Absolute nonsense. Material items cannot take the place of respect and love. Loneliness and fear of being single can cause a woman to set the bar very low for her man.
Women should not be playing ourselves. It is wise for a woman (or man) to know their core beliefs/values and stick to them. It is important for a lady to set standards for herself and have standards for the man she allows into her life accordingly. To set and stick to healthy boundaries is wise.
To be willing to let go of the man who is not for her, and to not become involved in the first place with someone who does not meet her reasonable standards will help a woman avoid unhealthy relationships.
In general, it is actually beneficial to part ways with someone who is not Mr. or Mrs. Right. Be encouraged in that it is perfectly all right to have reasonable standards and not to settle for less than them. Being prudent is a good thing. In fact, here is biblical proof it is a good thing:
“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Proverbs 19: 14