Finding Love After Divorce: 4 Qualities of a Good Spouse

Finding love after divorce: Everything I learned about having a great marriage, I learned from my divorce.

I know that’s not what you expect when reading the thoughts on marriage from a Christian writer’s perspective.

Divorce happens even to those of us deeply rooted in our faith.

The church pews conceal many secrets. We cannot be the savior or the controller of a spouse.

I fought for my marriage until there was no longer any fight left in me, or love left in the marriage.

 I was married for twenty-five years. I was single for fourteen years.

I believe God knew it would take that long for my heart to heal and to be ready to love again.

Finding Love After Divorce

Til Divorce do Us Part: What now?

I kept a journal after my divorce, and whenever I go back and read it, I see how God prepared my heart to love again.

I would never have imagined finding someone who is above and beyond what I could have prayed for.

Here’s what I learned, and yes, it’s straight from scripture…

Have you ever wondered why 1 Corinthians 13:4 begins with ‘Love is patient’? 

Patience softens your heart and opens it up.

I believe that as I have grown older, I have developed greater patience, forbearance, and self-control. I value peace and calm over being right.

In my journals, I had written letters to my future husband (I had no idea there would actually be one.)

In those letters, I now realize I was preparing my heart to love again.

I knew what my first marriage lacked; more than anything, it lacked kindness.

4 Qualities of a Good Spouse

Finding love after divorce: I want to know what love is, because I know what it’s not.

A Good Spouse is Kind

Kindness is the first character trait I tell my grandchildren to look for in a future spouse. Being kind not only to them but also to others.

Observe how they treat servers in a restaurant.

Watch how they handle both small and large aggravations.

If they do not show you kindness and respect…RUN. If you think it will get better, you are wrong.

A Good Spouse is Considerate and Thoughtful

After my divorce, I began to observe how couples treated one another.

I noticed a couple that seemed to truly love each other were considerate and thoughtful.

Thoughtfulness was apparent in small gestures. They even seemed to look at one another through the eyes of love. I noted this in my journals.

I was blessed with parents who were kind, considerate, and thoughtful to each other.

As they grew older, they would sit in their recliners, and Dad would place his hand on the narrow table between them, while Mom would place her hand on his.

There’s something about quiet love. There is a soft sweetness about it that is hard to put into words.

Love seems to shout when we are young and whisper as we get older.

A Good Spouse Cherishes You

So many times, in my journals, I wrote about my desire to feel cherished.

It’s in the wedding vows…to love and to cherish. The definition of cherish is to hold dear, to show affection for.

And now, the rest of the story…

Finding Love

Finding love after divorce began in late August 2013 when a handsome older gentleman was sitting in the waiting room of the car dealership where I worked as a sales consultant.

I had chatted with him over the years when his car was in for service. I said hello and we talked for a few minutes.

As I began to walk away, he said, “Janet, if you’re not seeing anyone, would you want to go to lunch or dinner sometime?” I said yes.

After only a few dates, I realized all those qualities I had written about in my journals were found in this man.

We were opposite in many ways, yet it seemed our hearts knew each other.

He was a widower. He had been married to his first wife for 53 years before she passed.

He had more love to give, and I was blessed to be the woman to whom he would lavish it.

Within a month, we were engaged. He reasoned that at our age, we shouldn’t buy green bananas or wait to get married.

We were married six months after our first date.

Our love story is genuinely out of a Hallmark movie script.

I was single for fourteen years. Every desire I had written about in those journals was found in Chuck Leonard. God knew the desires of my heart.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4 ESV

Finding Love After Divorce is Possible

Finding love after divorce is possible.

At the end of every day, Chuck and I lie in bed and go over the good things that happened that day.

We don’t take each other for granted or the time we have together. We love intentionally.

We may be somewhat set in our ways, both in the way we think and the way we do things.

Whenever we disagree, we discuss our reasons and how important those reasons are to us.

Sometimes we have to agree to disagree, but in a respectful manner. I call it a slathering of Grace.

Chuck and I listen to each other not just with our ears but with our hearts.

We don’t demand our way.

We might push our agenda a bit, but never in anger or with ugly words, as my mother would say.

It took a while to learn to trust that Chuck would love me unconditionally.

When a heart is betrayed, it is never the same. The walls that I had built up to protect my heart came down slowly. Remember, love is patient.

When Chuck and I are in the car, he places his hand on the gear shift, and I place my hand on his.

I can picture my mom and dad smiling down from Heaven.

They both prayed I would find someone to love and cherish me.

God answered their prayers with a wonderful man who loves me like the love mentioned in love songs.

There is another essential aspect of a marriage, and that is having a sense of humor.

Never laugh at or make fun of the other, but laugh together.

A few years after Chuck and I married, he said he had a confession to make. “I rearrange the dishes in the dishwasher every time you load it.”

I laughed and also made a confession. “I refold the towels after you put them away when doing laundry.”

Love does not demand its way…unless when doing household chores.

I will never take being loved so well for granted. Finding love after divorce and in the late fall of my life was quite the surprise.

1 Corinthians 13:13 says, So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I am so thankful that faith and hope guided me to the love of my life.

Author

Janet Hart Leonard

Janet is a friender. She never knows a stranger. In 2022, she published her first book, When the Hart Speaks, and is working on a second non-fiction book. Janet currently writes for the Hamilton County Reporter. Connect with Janet at http://www.janethartleonard.com.