FIVE HABITS OF GREAT DADS... 3

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HABIT No. 1 : DELIGHTING IN YOUR CHILDREN

The lesson from the thumb is that the very first habit you must develop as a great dad is to learn to delight in your children. Yeah. That’s right. Delight means ‘to enjoy’, ‘to be happy with’. You must learn to be happy with your children, to enjoy them, take pleasure in them. This seems to come naturally for women. The child already is in awe of you as a father. It is therefore up to you to show him or her that you are not a ‘mountain of fire’ which cannot be approached. So, if you want to be a father your children would want to proudly talk about, you must develop the habit of delighting in your children. No matter how ‘bad’ he or she may seem, you should delight in them.

You don’t need a reason to delight in your children. The very fact that they came out from you is the number one reason you should delight in them. You know, I remember an incident from my growing up years that showed my father delighted in me. I cherish it so much because it left an indelible mark on my heart. It’s one of the tender feelings of nostalgia I have about my father. I was about to go to the university at that time. While walking with my dad on the streets of Abidjan in Ivory Coast, I saw a vendor hawking some goods. Among them was a rubber jacket. I fell in love with it and stared at it wishing I could have it. I didn’t know my dad noticed my interest in the jacket. He said to me, “Do you like it?” when I told him I did, he said, “Let me buy it for you so that when you wear it in our village, people will know you are my son!” That got to me. I wore that jacket till it became rags. That was how much I cherished it.

This is what every man who desires to be a great dad must do – delight in your children! Take a cue from our heavenly Father. He laid the perfect example.

… And suddenly, a voice came from heaven saying, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased”

Matthew 3:17

God didn’t say He was pleased in Jesus after He had done something outstanding like perform an earth-shattering miracle. No. he hadn’t raised the dead or walked on water. In fact, He hadn’t performed a single miracle! Yet His Father said He was delighted in Him! Isn’t that something we should learn from as fathers? Like I said earlier, you don’t need any reason to delight in them. That they are yours is reason enough! Mothers can easily express love to their children. This is often taken for granted. Children need the affirmation of love from their fathers. When a father tells his child, “I love you,” it carries such weight that leaves a lasting impression on that child. That’s the way God wired it.

What God did in this Scripture goes to tell us that being pleased with our children shouldn’t be performance based.

I have to work at this. I pick my phone and send loving messages to my children, telling them how much I love them. I even use emojis! Now, I wasn’t brought up that way. I developed that habit! Many of us grew up in an environment where your performance recommends you. If you did well in school, you are the delight of your father. You fail an exam and woe betides you! This is what most of us grew up with and without meaning to, we unconsciously repeat the cycle. That’s not how God planned it. His plan is that you delight in them no matter what. Speak lovingly and kindly to them. Don’t be harsh. Touch them affectionately. Don’t wait until they are grown up to do this. Start when they are young. You may think they do not understand, but they actually do!

Some fathers erroneously think that being harsh shows they are in charge and that showing affection or speaking softly to their children would make them lose their respect or value in the child’s eye. Nothing can be more wrong! A child, who is constantly affirmed by his father, grows up with a healthy respect and sense of honour for his father. So, again, I challenge you – delight in your child! And if someone were to ask you why you love or show such delight in your children, the simple reason should be: “Because they are my children” Period!

The truth is that anything else you do without delight won’t make much meaning to your children.

Look at what the Scriptures say about our heavenly Father.

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us! That we should be called the children of God.

1John 3:1

A lot of men battle with a sense of insecurity because they were not loved or affirmed by their own fathers. I fall into that category. Fortunately, I found God as my heavenly Father and that made all the difference for me! It can also clear your own fears and feelings of insecurity and inadequacy if you let Him be your Father. When you as a father begin to delight in your child, something happens. Let Solomon show you what love can do for your child.

A wise son makes a glad father. But a foolish son is grief to the mother.

Proverbs 10:1

The corollary is also true that it takes a glad father to produce a wise son. And it takes a grievous mother to make a foolish son!

Do your children come running to welcome you when they hear the sound of your car? Or they go scampering and looking for hiding places because you are a terror to them? That’s one sign that shows whether you delight in your children or not. It also show whether or not you are on the path to becoming a great dad