How Civility Makes the World Better - Lisa E Betz

Are you sick and tired of rudeness, bickering, and discord? Then join me in combatting those uncivil attitudes by acting and speaking with civility.

Contrary to popular belief, how we treat others matters. Every interaction we have with another person affects them as well as us. With each interaction, we have the potential to lift others up, or pull them down.

Acts of incivility, big or small, chip away at our dignity, wellbeing, and our sense of belonging. Rudeness leads to loss of morale, goodwill, and respectful communication. In contrast, civility enhances dignity, loyalty, and belonging. It diffuses tension and guides us to exchanges that are constructive rather than destructive.

In other words, civility is good for us.

“When we lessen the burden of living for those around us we are doing well; when we add to the misery of the world we are not.” ~ P.M. Forni

Civility in the 21^st century

But does civility still work in our modern world? How do old-fashioned manners serve a society that values independence, innovation, and self-advancement?

“Many people … believe that in our aggressive and competitive society civility is a luxury they can’t afford. If you are polite, you are perceived as weak and you are brushed aside, they say. Being considerate and kind is hazardous to your self-esteem, professional ambitions, and net worth.” ~ P. M. Forni

Is that the kind of world you want to live in?

Is that the kind of attitude Jesus calls us to model?

No!

Because kindness and compassion are never outdated. We are called to treat others with love and patience. To build others up rather than tear them down. Always. Forever.

We thrive when we are part of a healthy caring community. We build such relationships by extending respect, consideration, and thoughtfulness—the very ingredients of civility.

It takes practice

If you want to be the kind of person who spreads positive attitudes rather than negative ones, you will need to practice acting civilly towards others. It starts with the belief that we are responsible for how our actions affect others. We choose to be civil because it is the right thing to do. The kind and considerate thing. The Christian thing.

It isn’t always easy, of course. Acting politely in the face of rudeness or apathy takes a good deal of self-control. But if the result is making the world a better place by spreading goodwill and defusing discord, isn’t it worth it?

5 ways to practice civility

Acknowledge everyone you meet

A smile. A nod. A polite greeting. Even the smallest gesture of greeting sends a message that you see the other and acknowledges their value as a person. Failing to do so sends a different message—one of rejection or judgement.

I admit I’ve often failed at this. Either because I’m lost in my thoughts or feeling shy, I’ve all too often averted my gaze as I walk past strangers on the street. I vow to do better!

Think how much simple kindness we can spread by the simple habit of smiling and nodding to those we pass.

Consider your words

We all know the sinking feeling of blurting something we wish we hadn’t said. We can learn to avoid those moments by practicing self-control in what we say. Especially when emotions run high, pause before you speak and ask yourself if what you want to say is kind or helpful. If not, it’s better to leave potentially hurtful words unsaid.

The same is true with electronic communication. Think before you press “send.” Pause and consider the tone and content of your text, email, or post. Try to read it from the point of view of the recipient. Then reword or and delete your message as needed.

Don’t fight rudeness with rudeness

We mustn’t allow other people’s behavior to dictate our own. Use your agency and choose to be kind, patient, and forgiving even when others are rude or insensitive.

Behavior is contagious, good or bad, so influence the situation for good. You might be pleasantly surprised by the result.

Pay attention.

We tend to be so focused on our own goals and needs that we forget to pay attention to what else is happening around us. Develop the habit of remaining mindful of your surroundings. Notice when your exuberant conversation might disturb someone nearby. Be aware of how your actions might inconvenience others, such as blocking someone’s driveway or leaving your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle so others can’t pass.

Express gratitude

Even when servers are rude or inattentive. Even when others perform their jobs with the bare minimum of effort. Graciously say thank you as often as possible, because this spreads feelings of appreciation and value to those who hear it.

I hope this post has inspired you to fight the good fight against rudeness and selfishness by spreading goodwill and kindness wherever you go.