How to Deal with Unwanted Circumstances - Lisa E Betz

We all have stuff in our life we’d rather do without. Responsibilities that keep us busy doing boring, joy-sucking chores. Unwanted circumstances that bog us down or keep us from activities we’d like to pursue. Distractions that draw us away from our priorities. How do we deal with these draining, unpleasant, unwanted circumstances?

Option one: eliminate the unnecessary, schedule-clogging activities.

Just as our garages accumulate excess stuff over time, so too our schedules accumulate excess commitments and activities that aren’t adding much value to our lives. Whenever possible, we should try to eliminate the commitments, hobbies, activities, and time-wasting habits that keep us too busy to devote the time we want to the relationships and activities that matter the most.

Unfortunately, we can’t get rid of all the unwanted circumstances that crop up in life.

Option two: when eliminating an unwanted circumstance isn’t possible.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we can’t control, fix, or eliminate, such as unexpected illness or injury, a family member that needs assistance, financial crises, or natural disasters. These situations are no fun. They may be unfair. They’re certainly not wanted.

But we’re stuck in them, all the same.

When we find ourselves there, how should we respond? We can:

1. Wish the circumstances will magically improve
2. Feel helpless and hopeless because we’re stuck here forever
3. Resign ourselves to being miserable as we slog through it
4. Find a way to improve our attitude and make the best of things

I hope you agree that option four is the best choice. When we find ourselves in circumstances we can’t get out of, we need to decide to “get into it”—to adopt a positive attitude that looks for opportunities, lessons and blessings in the midst of the situation.

Adopting a “get into it” mentality

Be honest

• Take an honest look at the situation. What limits does it impose on you? Are you holding onto unrealistic expectations might you need to readjust? What past failures are coloring your attitude and eroding your hope?
• Face your emotions. Unpleasant circumstances may bring a host of emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety, or frustration. The sooner you face these and begin to work through them, the easier it will be to have a positive attitude.
• Be honest with God. Tell him how you feel. Tell him your fears and your desires. Ask him for comfort, grace, patience, and hope.

Don’t get stuck in the past

• Let go of the past. You are facing a new normal, and you may or may not be able to go back to what life was like before. Come to terms with the doors that have closed. You may need to grieve a loss—of a job, your health, a dream.
• Forgive yourself, others, God, nature, the government. Whatever caused your current situation, you will not move forward in peace until you forgive everyone and everything that contributed to it.

Change your mindset

• Don’t focus on the negative. What you focus on affects what you see, so resist the temptation to fixate on what you’ve lost, what you fear, or what you dislike. Instead, look for glimmers of hope and reasons to be thankful.
• Find a way to pivot. When a door closes, banging on it isn’t helping. Sometimes a closed door is what forces us to look sideways for an even better option.
• Believe that this situation is not hopeless and positive change is possible. Hold onto faith that God is in control and be open to whatever life lessons you can learn through this time.

Take action

• Ask for help. It’s hard, but sometimes it’s necessary. We need help to process our feelings, to keep our spirits encouraged, and to figure out solutions to the obstacles we face. We shouldn’t try to face life’s difficult times alone.
• Take the next step. We move through life one step at a time. You probably can’t see how everything will play out, but that’s OK. Take whatever step makes sense, or whatever step you can take, even if you’re not sure it’s the “best” choice.

Finally, choose grace

Making peace with unwanted circumstances is a journey.  We can’t switch our mindsets in an instant. Sometimes our efforts to pivot don’t work like we’d hoped. Those around us may not be helping the situation like they should. Give yourself, your situation, and those around you grace. Bumps will happen, but you can pick yourself up, get back on track, and take the next best step.

Are you facing responsibilities you dread or an unforeseen incident that suddenly turned your world upside down? Decide today that you will stop whining and adopt a “get into it” mentality. Then, begin turning your rotten circumstances into a chapter of growth and overcoming.