It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery- Galatians 5:1 NIV

Bitterness is literally the worst.

Literally.

Bitterness is when chronic cynicism, resentment and hostility become a constant in a person’s life.  Other indicators bitterness is a problem are a tendency to isolate, a lack of compassion, relentless faultfinding and the inability or unwillingness to see the good in people and situations.  Bitterness hits its peak of awfulness when a person gets to the place where they want to see others suffer the way they feel they have suffered.   

Bitterness is one of those issues we rarely see in ourselves until after it has become an entrenched issue. This is because the emotions that lead to bitterness feel personal and private and more often than not: justified. When we perceive that we have been hurt or wronged it FEELS defensible and reasonable to allow our most negative, ugly emotions to run wild. However, when we let hurt or pain run the show we give the devil an opportunity (foothold) to sow chaos in our lives. One of Satan’s favorite things is a Christian who has been corrupted and hardened by a bitter spirit (Ephesians 4:26-27).   

The writer of Hebrews compares bitterness to a “root”. Feelings like anger, hurt, disappointment, jealousy or resentment create fertile soil for bitter roots to sprout. If left unattended bitter roots grow, spread and eventually choke out everything good, healthy and live-giving in a person’s life. Even more alarming, bitterness not only impacts the bitter person it also defiles (corrupts) the people closest to them (Hebrews 12:15, Ephesians 4:31, James 3:14). 

Yikes. 

It is on us to pray often that God will make us aware of any bitter roots that have sprouted up.  (Matthew 5:30).  Once bitterness has taken hold, the only way to get rid of it is to pull it out (metaphorically speaking). The keys to dealing with bitterness is as follows:

We must fully understand the implications of not dealing with a bitter root- 

Bitterness is no inconsequential thing. Making space for a bitter spirit is the fast track to spiritual uselessness, broken relationships and unanswered prayer (Leviticus 19:18, 1st Peter 3:12, Hebrews 5:7). Refusing to deal with the sin of bitterness is basically just acquiescing to the fact that you will be less spiritually productive than you could be. It also means accepting that your feelings of resentment will ultimately impact your kids, grandkids, church family and friends adversely. None of those realities should ever be acceptable to a follower of Jesus. Furthermore, Christians are commanded by Jesus to bear an abundance of good fruit and be a peaceful presence in the lives of others (Matthew 7:17-19, Luke 13:6-8, John 15:1-8, Colossians 1:10, Ephesians 6:15, John 14:27, Galatians 5:22-23). There is simply no way to fulfill that calling with a bitter heart. 

Stop nursing the dang thing- 

The most efficient way to kill a plant is to simply stop watering it. The same is true with bitterness. If we want to stop feelings of bitterness we must stop nurturing and indulging the feelings that lead to the bitterness in the first place. This means we must stop thinking about or talking about the situation or people who caused the bitter root to spring up. Instead, we must practice self-discipline in our thought life and conversations (Hebrews 12:11, 2ndTimothy 1:7). The easiest and most productive way to make that happen is to simply commit to only discussing the issue with mature fellow believers who are actively helping you to find freedom from the problem 

Bathe it in prayer- 

The most efficient way to kill a bitter root is to cover the situation and people involved in prayer. Prayer is the spiritual equivalent of a powerful weed killer (Philippians 4:6, James 5:16). Prayer is essential to pulling out a bitter spirit because it keeps us from ruminating on the situation or gossiping about the people involved. Gossip and ruminating on our pain are like pouring fertilizer on the bitter root (Matthew 26:41, Ephesians 6:18, 1st Thessalonians 5:17).

Let God be God in your situation- 

Most of the time, people do not become bitter without some sort of reason. There are situations where a very sensitive, immature or prideful person will become angry and bitter about something that wasn’t a big deal (like being called out on their sin or being slighted in some way). However, most of the time bitterness is the result of genuine hurt, loss or disappointment. In one sense bitterness is really just a desire for revenge that’s running amok in a person’s heart. The Bible is clear: revenge is best left to God (Romans 12:19, Hebrews 10:30). This is because He is far better at it than we are and the desire for revenge twists us up and turns us into a sad parody of what we could have been. Nobody wants that.

And finally,

The only way to totally break free of bitterness is to make the hard, sometimes painful choice to fully forgive those who have sinned against us (Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-35).  Forgiveness is rarely easy, nor, is it typically a one and done. It’s a process that takes time. It often requires help from a mature friend, Christian counselor or pastor. Forgiveness is difficult but it’s also worth whatever effort it takes because it frees us from the ugly consequences of a bitter spirit and sets us free to be the people Jesus calls us to be (1st Peter 2:9).