How to restart as a single mom

No girl has ever dreamed of being a single mother. It is not something we imagined or expected, but it happens when we become widowed, separated, or divorced. 

There is nothing to be ashamed of when you are a single mom.

One thing is for sure; Life will never be the same as we restart life as a single mom. It would be difficult, painful, and challenging. 

However, the good news is it is still possible to rejoice amidst all trials and do our role as both mom and dad to our child or children.

I knew women who had become rigid and strong because they had no choice but to be single mothers. 

Being a single mom does not mean God has cursed you; it only means God has entrusted you with a greater purpose. It means He will be with you, and you will not be alone in this journey.

How to restart as a single mom

Whether being a single mom happens by choice or not, you still have to get back on your feet because your child or children still depend on you. 

We cannot allow our loneliness and pain to stop us from giving the best life to our kids. 

Here are some ways to restart your life now that you are a single mom.

Redirecting mindset

Change starts in the mind. Accept that life would not be the same with others and would not be the same in the past. 

It hurts to accept, but that is the first step to move on. Start envisioning how you and your child’s future would look like. 

Instill positive quotes or Bible verses in your mind and meditate on them daily. Remember that you must have a positive mindset to create a good output for your newly designed family. 

Rearrange your priorities

There is so much on your plate now that you are a single parent.  It could be so overwhelming that you have to rearrange your priorities. The schedule you had once may not work now that you will be handling everything solo.

It could be challenging to set time for friends, especially if your child or children are still toddlers. 

However, that is okay because what matters most is that you are caring for them and earning money for them.

Get rid of old things

After losing your partner, you may grieve or get mad more when you still have to live in a house full of things that remind you of them. 

As part of moving on, you should not be afraid to get rid of anything that does not help you in this moment of grieving. It reminds you of special occassions like anniversary.

You could move to a new house or just rearrange your home. Having a new space will give you a sense of control when everything else feels so chaotic.

Find support for you and your kids

Starting this new chapter could make you feel alone in the process, and so as your children. You have to admit that you cannot do it yourself. 

It is difficult to handle yourself while raising your child or children, so you need to find a support system for you and them. Those in grief can join small church groups, mainly on how you could cope with losing your husband.

Also, there are some people whom you can trust after experiencing divorce or separation. 

Moreover, it is helpful for your kids if they can talk to someone with whom they can be honest about how they feel about the separation, such as therapists, counselors, or church leaders.

Focus on what you can control

As a single mom, you do not have to take control of everything. There are still things you cannot handle, so focus only on what you can control. 

You never wanted your children to have a broken family; thus, instead of overthinking what has gone wrong, focus on what you can do to make them feel better. 

Children could still feel happy despite their situation. For instance, make some routines together to help them feel secure. 

Be kind to yourself

It is easy to blame yourself when things do not go as planned. If you are a Christian and were left with no choice but to end your marriage, then you do not have to be hard on yourself and feel all the guilt.

God, among anyone else, knows and understands the pain you are feeling. God is compassionate, so we need to have self-compassion. It would improve our mental health and well-being.

Remember that how you treat yourself affects your children the most. 

Focus on your strengths 

Some may have lost their self-esteem after separation. However, fixing your eyes on what you can do best could help you get back on your feet. You will feel more confident and resilient when you acknowledge your strengths.

Besides, it helps you regain your confidence when you try to remember how you have overcome all the challenges in the past. God did not put you this far to give up but to keep going. 

Furthermore, you must set realistic goals for yourself and your child/children. Use your strengths to think positively about the future.

Get control of your finances

Raising a child on one income could be very challenging. You must keep track of the bills, which could take away much time from spending with your child. Thus, it is crucial to manage your finances and your time well. 

Creating a budget is very helpful in managing your finances well. Knowing how much money is coming and going out will help you understand where to cut back and how much you can spend on extras during the month. 

Learn to say “no”

As single moms, we must lay down our pride and accept that we cannot give the whole world to our children. We cannot buy them everything even if we want to. 

It can be painful to say “no” to them, but learning to say so could also help them value their needs over their wants.

Once they get older, then they will understand that you are teaching them to be responsible. 

Depend on close family members

Do not be afraid to ask or rely on your close family members because they are the ones you can trust with your kids. Ask for help whenever you need to work. You can make arrangements based on their availability. 

Be honest with your family about your situation and see if they can help you. Your parents and siblings will always make time and effort to give you a hand, especially in this rough patch. 

Strengthening your spiritual life

Above all else, you must strengthen your spiritual life because it is the only way to enjoy parenting and overcome trials. Do not be afraid to start this new life with God because, unlike the world, God will not judge you in your decisions. 

He knows you so well that He understands your pain. God is the only one who could renew your strength like an eagle and comfort you amidst your grief. 

God may disagree with your decision to end your marriage, but He is a loving Father that will not abandon you in raising your child. You only need to confess your sins and surrender yourself to Him. 

Before doing everything, start it with a prayer and devotion to His words. Then you would see His hands in your and your children’s lives.