Is He Into You or Just Using You?
Is He Into You or Just Using You?
Into you or using you? This is one of the most important questions we need to answer when newly dating someone. Sometimes people suggest asking the question what are your intentions with me. The truth is people can tell you anything. The truth is revealed in time over a person’s consistent actions. People will always reveal who they are and their intentions if we simply pay attention.
This is why it’s so important not to go all in within a dating relationship. Instead, we should allow time to tell us just what the other person’s intentions are before agreeing to commit to a relationship with them. Our boundaries such as saving sex for marriage and practicing self-discipline will protect us in this process.
Faithful in Little Things
The scripture gives us a great nugget in sharing that if we are faithful in little, we will be faithful in much. This is true of someone’s character and intentions being exposed in dating. You’ll be able to tell if a man is into you or not based on his faithfulness in the little things.
Does he keep his word? Can he follow through on what he said without priming or prompting from you? Is he on time or early to see you or consistently late? If he cannot keep his word; nor, make things right in communicating and correcting the lack of consistency—he isn’t that into you.
I know what it’s like to have a man really interested in me. Even though past relationships did not always work out—it was nice to have the experience of a man being clear about his interest in me. That is a lesson I carry with me.
The Lack of Communication
When a man doesn’t reach out to you, it’s a sign he isn’t into you. If he only reaches out to you when you reach out to him—you aren’t a priority to him. In this scenario, you should not make a priority of him. Women are responders. Men take the lead and either invite us into their lives or keep us out. If a man is seeking to keep you out of his life—do not try to force your way in. You have more value than that.
Simply keep on living the full life you had before going on a date with him. He may have realized you aren’t the type of woman he wants to pursue for whatever reason. It may not have anything to do with you. It’s his choice. Respect yourself by respecting his choice and avoid reaching out to him. If you have to delete his number from your phone to avoid reaching out to him, do that. 9 times out of 10 God is protecting you from something.
Asking Questions and Showing Interest is a Way a Guy Shows He’s Into You and vice Versa for the Brothers w/Women
A very clear sign a man isn’t into you is he doesn’t ask questions to get to know you. He may even limit how much he shares with you about himself. This brother could be only seeking a good time and seeing how far you are willing to go with him.
Keep your boundaries in place, especially in this scenario. His intentions will reveal themselves. Was he just tired a particular night and did not feel like asking questions? Or is this his consistent theme? If he consistently doesn’t take a role in seeking to get to know you as a whole person by asking questions and showing a level of vulnerability with you, he just isn’t into you.
Seeing How Far They Can Go
If the gentleman detracts away from communication to get to know one another, early on, to ask to be physical—he may be just trying to see how far he can go with you. Remember we do not date to get our physical needs met in dating. We date to gather data. Our focus is on whether someone can be a suitable partner for us for where we are and who we are growing into. There are natural affections like hugs and holding hands that are okay early on.
However, If he’s only interested in meeting up to make out or he limits communication after you refuse to give in to sex—he’s seeing how far you are willing to go with him. The purpose of you all dating isn’t mutually exclusive. Do a self-awareness check for yourself in this scenario. There can very well be a pull to give in to focusing only on the physical if you notice that is what he is more passionate about and you really like him. Snap yourself out of that temptation to continue with him. If you have to speak with your accountability to help snap out of it—do what you gotta do. Remind yourself of your worth to be loved fully for the complete woman you are.
You bring so much to the table mentally, spiritually, emotionally, socially, and not just physically. You are not a sex object.
When a man is Really into You, He Introduces you to important People in His Life
Steve Harvey shared this tip in his book, “Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man.” And it’s true. Men who are serious about you introduce you to their parents, siblings, and anyone important in their lives. They are not content to keep you a secret. Please, remind yourself that you are worthy of this.
Early on, it can make sense for both the guy and the girl not to share one another with the world as the interaction of dating for the two is new. However, when there is an agreed-upon commitment to move forward in a relationship—he should be introducing you to others.
It’s crucial during the early period to follow your healthy standards of abstinence and not overly focusing on the physical. This will help you to better discern what is going on. Keeping you a secret could mean he has secrets. Maybe, he is already involved. You don’t need the hassle of trying to figure this out.
An Interested Man Will Listen to You & Respect You
Your thoughts and opinions will matter to the man. He will listen to you. This doesn’t mean he will agree with you on everything. He simply will not shut you out or any input you have to add to him. If he does shut you out during arguments and such; he’ll always be willing to come back and make things right with you. Some men shut women out because they’ve already made a choice to go do something else and they are no longer invested in the relationship. You want someone willing to be invested through the disagreements and the more peaceful times.
When a Man is Healthy and into You, He is Willing to Protect You Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, and Socially as well as Physically
The gentleman will see you as a whole person. He will be concerned about how you feel emotionally. What can he do to serve you and help resolve your needs? He will be invested in putting in the effort to cover you spiritually, mentally, and socially as well. His primary concern will not be what he can get from you. He’ll recognize that sowing into you as a whole person brings reciprocity toward him.
Therefore, what he needs will be supplied by the woman he chooses to love. As women, we are made to respond to the man and to receive from the man. When we receive, we give back to him multiplying what he needs and more. One of the reasons it’s so important for us to be careful with the man we choose is because we are natural receivers of men and we respond to what they give us.
This is a part of our makeup but can be dangerous with the wrong man. We have to be strong enough to resist the wrong type of man. Bad company will corrupt the most manurable of godly women or men. Pride will have us thinking we can change a man. Humility will allow us to observe a man’s character with boundaries intact. As a result of observation, we will properly respond to what we see. This could be asking further questions or cutting it off. Whatever the course demands. You will know.
In Summary of Is He Into You or Not
It’s so important to keep the standards and boundaries in place like abstinence, and communicating the truth to yourself at every stage of dating. This will allow us to see what is going on in reality and to make the proper adjustments. Even if the adjustment is us being single a little while longer.
Sometimes, as women, we can want a relationship so bad that we get ahead of ourselves. Our temporary needs being fulfilled are what lead us instead of discernment. Some of us start giving up goods and things to men as if we are already in a relationship or his wifey. We mustn’t get ahead of who the man has communicated we are to him. If he has not made us a wife—there should be no wifely activities. No bank account sharing, buying houses or cars together, sexing, and the like.
Don’t allow your need for love to make you stay in an unhealthy relationship with a man.
