The Fruit of the Spirit & Wisdom in Interpersonal Relationships
When we take a step back from our interpersonal interactions with others to assess what is going on beyond our initial reactions, we can begin to see what is really going on beneath the surface of our interactions.
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. – Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)
The discretion of a man defers his anger, And it is his glory to pass over a transgression. – Proverbs 19:11 (KJV)
Wisdom & Discretion Should Direct Our Responses
The above says a lot. First, wisdom or discretion will direct our responses toward patience or away from anger. Thus, allowing us to overlook or pass over someone’s offense toward us. Note that this process doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook for how they treat us, but it ensures conviction. Have you ever been in a disagreement with someone where someone lashed out against you for seemingly no reason?
When experiencing something like this, we need to pause to hear the instruction of the Lord. The Lord often speaks to us in our spirit in the form of a still, small voice. He may say something like, “Don’t take it personally.” Or, he may say, “This person is crying out for help. It has nothing to do with you.”
Pausing to Hear God can Lead to Us Exercising the Fruit of the Spirit
Whatever the case, the fruit of the Spirit, patience or long-suffering, need to be exercised in this type of instance. It will prevent further escalation and instead lead to de-escalation.
It’s easier said than done. Yet, it can be done when we yield to the Holy Spirit’s leading. The Holy Spirit leads us to exercise the fruit of the spirit.
The result will be a greater intimacy and respect for the one walking in the wisdom of God and the fruit of the Spirit. It becomes his/her glory or honor. This is because the one who exercised the fruit of the Holy Spirit made the other person feel safe and secure in a moment of vulnerability. This is a basic need that we as humans are looking for.
Following God’s Wisdom Helps Us to Cover One Another Instead of Creating Separation
Those who will provide grace for our weaknesses instead of canceling and discarding when weaknesses are shown.
Imagine married couples covering one another when one is weak and lashes out; Instead of going into defensive mode, an every man for himself effort. I understand when someone lashes out at us and attempts to hit us below the belt, a practice of the immature, it hurts and makes us defensive.
Especially as women, who desire to feel safe. We are designed to want to feel safe. However, what if we took a deeper look into what is going on with our spouse, friend, sibling, or whoever and decided to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in covering them with wisdom and discretion?
God’s Leading Usually Goes Against Our Fleshy Nature
How do you know it’s the Holy Spirit? Usually, if it goes against the nature of your flesh, it’s probably the Holy Spirit. It always has to be in alignment with God’s word as well.
Let’s look at wisdom and discretion. Wisdom is a form of understanding. It is understanding what is really going on beneath the surface. Based on this understanding, an action plan of how to respond is formulated. This is the wisdom part.
Wisdom means to know what to do or how to react in a given situation based on what’s best for the situation. Wisdom comes from God. God’s word in Proverbs says when we prioritize wisdom, it will speak with us like our parent’s wisdom replays in our hearts and minds ( Proverbs 6:20-24).
The Wisdom of Good Parent’s Mimics God’s Wisdom
Consequently, everyone’s parents do not provide Godly wisdom and instruction, but God acts as our good father and covers us by providing that wisdom to us as we walk out our path of life.
My son, keep thy father’s commandment and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp, and the law is light, and reproofs of instruction are the way of life. – Proverbs 6:21-23
I truly believe that wisdom comes from God and is God’s direction on how to handle a matter. There is perverted wisdom that comes from this world and God makes his distinction against the wisdom of this world through his people.
Do not Quench or Ignore the Holy Spirit
We are not to quench the Holy Spirit when he is leading us in our interpersonal relationships. To quench means to put out or ignore. Just like putting out a fire. This is what many do when they walk after the flesh. They ignore the direction of the Holy Spirit shutting it out while getting into the eye for an eye culture.
God calls his people higher than that. He calls us to walk in the Spirit and only through walking in the leading of the Holy Spirit do we avoid walking after the flesh.
We also can see how the fruit of the Holy Spirit is either being exercised within our interaction or stifled. We need the grace of God in our interactions to empower us to act as conduits of Christ’s love toward others when they lash out and attempt to offend us.
As We Rely on God’s Strength to Obey the Holy Spirit We Further Exercise the Fruit of the Spirit
If we are weak in this area, we need to look to God to provide us with the strength to do so. Remember God’s strength is made perfect in our weaknesses when we look to God allowing him to help us.
The reward is far greater when we yield to God as we get a glimpse of God’s love for us. This occurs as God uses us to show love to the other person, a high calling to maturity and grace in Christ Jesus. With God’s help only we can exercise this. I am praying that the fruit of the Spirit would be manifest in my life as well as anyone who seeks to offend me.
Patience in Conflict
It often starts with the fruit of patience also called long-suffering in the KJV (King James Version). It’s what Jesus did for us when he did not destroy us for our sins. Instead, he provided a way for us to be saved. Through long suffering, the other fruits begin to be seen: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
An important note is this type of patience doesn’t mean we should put up with abuse. God gives us tools such as boundaries and healthy communication to protect ourselves. If healthy communication cannot be experienced with the offender, but abuse instead, boundaries for protection and self-preservation are integral.
Personal Responsibility is Still a Requirement for the Offender
Last, but not least, the one being offended practicing patience doesn’t absolve the offender of their responsibility in maturing in the way they treat others. The hope is the offender will experience conviction and begin to take personal responsibility to address what is causing his/her behavior. God’s word encourages us to bear one another’s burden but also for each person to take his/her own personal responsibility:
Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. – Galatians 6:4-5
