Is Overfunctioning Ruining Your Life? - Lisa E Betz

Do you overfunction? If you’ve never heard the term before, it means pretty much what it sounds like—someone who functions over and above what’s necessary. While it may seem like a positive attribute, overfunctioning has a dark side. Where one person overfunctions, another underfunctions. Thus, overfunctioning affects two lives at once by stealing time from one person while hindering another’s opportunity to develop skills and maturity.  

Unfortunately, it’s an easy habit for people pleasers to fall into. We want to be helpful, kind, responsible people, but sometimes we inadvertently take on tasks that aren’t ours to do. Any time we do something for someone that they can or should do for themselves, we are overfunctioning.

An example of overfunctioning

Imagine a parent who is still helping their ten-year-old daughter get dressed. In this example, the parent is doing more for the child than is required.

A healthy ten-year-old is capable of dressing herself. The task is age appropriate, reasonable, and within her physical capabilities. She can do it and she should do it, because taking care of oneself is an important skill that children need to learn and it’s part of growing up and becoming responsible and independent.

Here are a few other scenarios where overfunctioning might be showing up in your life:

• Assigning tasks to someone and then doing them yourself
• Frequently explaining things the other person didn’t ask you to explain
• Taking on tasks because no one else seems to be doing them
• Cleaning up for family or coworkers because it’s easier to do the chore than argue over it
• Reminding others it’s time to do a task (instead of letting them self-manage)
• Spending time doing basic tasks when your job is to lead
• Doing other people’s tasks so they are “done right”

Do any of these situations sound familiar?

Why is it a problem?

 The more we overfunction, the more we waste time doing other people’s jobs—which means we have less time to do what is ours to do. The habit intrudes on our priorities and purpose. Left unchecked, it will lead to burnout and bitter resentment.

On top of that, when we do other people’s jobs, we are either allowing them to be lazy or else preventing them from opportunities to learn skills and overcome challenges. Thus, the underfucntioner either takes us for granted and happily allows us to do their work for them, or else resents our micromanaging and lack of trust.

In the above example, dressing a ten-year-old is unnecessary extra work for the parent, detrimental to the child’s age-appropriate development, and likely a cause of tension between them. In other words, a Lose-Lose situation.

The good news? Now that we understand what it is, we can begin to notice situations where we overfunction—at home with our kids or spouse, at work, in our volunteer or ministry efforts.

Here are three strategies to overcome the tendency and move from lose-lose to win-win.

Expect the mess (and the pain)

When family members or coworkers are suddenly are faced with responsibilities we’ve been doing for them, it’s going to take a while for them to adjust. Until they get used to the new expectations, their performance won’t be up to snuff. They may drop the ball, miss deadlines, and produce less-than-stellar results. Also, they may resist, complain, and procrastinate, hoping we’ll jump in and do the job ourselves.

When this happens, don’t give in. Remind yourself this is all part of their learning curve. Have faith that they will rise to the occasion, when given appropriate guidance and allowed time to build the skills and maturity they need to succeed.

Think like a coach

A softball coach doesn’t run onto the field to pitch or catch fly balls, even if she’s better at it than her players. That is not her job!  Rather, she gives her players lots of practice time and patient instruction in an effort to help them develop their own skills. That’s how the team wins. That’s how the coach succeeds.

Likewise, when an overfunctioner shifts her mindset from doing it herself to doing all she can to help others develop skills, everybody wins.

Practice delegating

Delegating means assigning tasks to people who can and should be accomplishing them. To delegate effectively, remember these three critical things:

Clarity – We need to clearly communicate what needs to be done, what the expected outcome looks like, and what the deadline is. When family members or employees have a clear understanding of their responsibilities (and who they should go to if they need help) we have set them up to succeed.

Trust – We must trust others to accomplish what is required of them without our interference. This means NO nagging, NO micromanaging, NO unsolicited advice. We must step away and allow them to prove they can manage their time, figure out the details, and complete the task on their own.

Patience – Other people may not accomplish a task as efficiently as you could, as quickly as you could, or as capably as you could. Nor should we expect them to—at least not at first. Give them time to shine and make the task their own. Your job as the delegator is to help them grow into the task, not to criticize them for every little thing that doesn’t live up to perfection.

Where can you practice wise delegation today?

Be on the lookout for tasks you regularly do that someone else could do instead. When you notice one, ask yourself if someone else should do it—either to give them an opportunity to develop new skills or because it’s not your responsibility to do it.

Now, be brave and delegate the task to someone who can and should be doing it. Then step back and let them work—at their pace, with their methods.

Good for you! (And ultimately, good for them, too.)