It is easier to hate the Other Man or Other Woman. - Divorce Minister

But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.

Proverbs 6:32, NLT

When I first discovered the Other Man, my righteous anger burned hot against him!

I really wanted to mess him up in that moment of discovery. He had defiled my marriage with my wife. Raped my soul!

Then I engaged my brain with the help of my divorce attorney reminding me to not do anything stupid. My anger towards the Other Man started to subside as I realized how he was just a foolish pawn in my (now ex) wife’s wicked game.

It is easier to focus all our fury upon the third party than to accept the truth that our spouse is really the responsible one here for allowing this person into the marriage bed.

That is not to absolve the third party of sin. They are absolutely guilt of adultery just as the cheating spouse is.

However, I think we focus upon the third party because we do not want to confront the reality of who are (soon to be ex) spouse is. We rather think someone else coerced them into this dastardly behavior than accept that they chose it and maybe even played a leading role in it.

That is a harsh reality.

Add to that the idea of distrusting ourselves for choosing to marry a person capable of such treachery, and it makes sense we sometimes prefer demonizing the third party over accepting the dark realities regarding our own spouse.

But I encourage you to face reality. The third party is absolutely wrong and in sin by having sex with your spouse.

However, you are not married to this third party!

You are married to your cheater partner. He (or she) is the one who promise fidelity to you and broke it.

Your anger is better spent focused there on your treacherous spouse as a means to constructively insist on repentance and/or to leave this abusive relationship via divorce.