Life Today, January 2019: Accepting God’s Plan for Me

I have
often struggled with God’s plan for me. I envy …

• the beauty of others
• the talents of others
• the relationships of others
• the human success of others
• and on and on

From my journal 12/07/18

You have
shown me so much in the past few weeks –
how I wanted so much to create and live my own vision for my life.
What a horrid sin.
I arrived at my seventies believing I was a horrid failure …
I thought that was humility.
After all, the ways I’ve failed have been pointed out to me.
So isn’t it humility to accept it?
But today You showed me
that that belief was one of the worst sins of my
life!
I SO disrespected YOU!
I was saying that what I wanted for my life was good
and what You (the Triune God) ordained for me was bad.

I was
saying to You,
“You goofed with my life. You didn’t use me as You should have!”

That afternoon I was messaging with Dana, my
daughter. Messaging has become our most common and easiest way of communication
as she lives in North Bay, Ontario, Canada and I live in Atlanta, GA.  I told her my above-mentioned struggles and
she shared her own struggles.

Then she told me of how the Lord has been teaching
her about this sin through the modeling of her oldest and youngest boys – who
are both autistic. I asked if she would write out their stories for my Blog.

I, Dana, have four beautiful children. Four godly gifts from
Jesus.

Two just happen to also be autistic with MID (mild
intelligence delay).
These kids are four of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.

People
often tell me I need to pray for my kids to be healed.  

Let me be
clear. I am a
HUGE proponent of praying for healing.
I believe that healing is still for today and that God DOES heal today.
I also believe God allowed or even created
 my kids this way for a very SPECIFIC
purpose.

Our
family recently went to McDonald’s for lunch. Rory and I decided to get our
food to go; it was a busy Sunday afternoon. As we waited for the food, we saw
old friends we hadn’t seen in years. We told the kids to go ahead and eat at a
table while we talked.

A few
minutes later, I looked over and three of the kids were sitting at one table,
while Jacob, our oldest, sat at another table with an older couple. I laughed,
assuming he had sat down with them, but he later told me they had asked if they
could sit with him. He obliged and kept sitting there with them, no one talking
to each other, just content to have a place to rest their weary bodies.

This
situation absolutely amazes me. Many of us would also have let the elderly
couple sit down but may have then gotten up and let them have the table all to
themselves. Others may have just declined respectfully and kept the table to
themselves. Then there is Jacob, content
in who he is…satisfied to allow this couple to sit with him…and comfortable to
stay put.

This
story teaches me a HUGE lesson. Am I content to be who God has made me to be?
Or a bigger question: Am I content to
allow my kids to be who God created them to be?

A few
weeks ago, Jake found his DREAM movie…I mean this was an exciting day for him.
It was a Paw Patrol movie that was also in a superhero theme. He was out of his
mind excited. Now that he is 18, he gets money from the government to help him
financially, so he has money to spend on things like this from time to time.

He
excitedly took his new found treasure up to the check out line where he was
greeted by a worker who asked, “Is this for you?”

Jake
answered, “Yes.”

The
worker said, “REALLY?”

Jake said
“Yes.”

“Okay,”
the young man answered.

After we left,
I decided to not assume rejection was felt so asked him, “Jake, how did that
make you feel when he asked you that?”

Jacob
answered, “Oh, he was funny.”

 I told him it was totally fine to like Paw
Patrol.

He said,
“Oh I KNOW!”

My youngest son is 8. He has some
pretty severe learning difficulties and is just starting to have a breakthrough
in reading this year. It is so exciting to hear him read… it feels pretty miraculous actually. I
tell him all the time

 “Benji, you’re so smart.”

He
answers, “Ya, I am.”

The world
would say not reading = not smart. I love that he knows he is smart. He is! He has so much to offer that many
others do not.

So, my question to those people
who say my boys need to be different than they currently are is,
 “What am I asking for healing from?”

• Jacob’s
  ability to love on others who need a place to sit though it could possibly be
  uncomfortable sitting at a table with strangers?
• Jake’s
  incredible memory for the Word and His zeal to walk in righteousness like not
  many other teens I know today?
• Or
  am I asking for him to be healed from his ability to overlook a wrong done and
  just think the best of others?
• Is
  it for Benji to be healed from his ability to be confident in who he is and how
  his brain works and not feel less …
• …
  as well as his great love for the Lord?

I honestly feel many of these things
have been helped along because of
HOW their brains work.

You see I
have human expectations. God has bigger things afoot than my simplistic
thinking. He has created them for great
things…not for their glory but for HIS!

When I
think of what I would ask for them to be healed from:

• it would be things that would benefit me more than it really would benefit them.
• I would love to not have to fight for haircuts or to have hour long conversations due to concrete thinking.
• I would love to not have to deal with potty training issues at 8 years old …
• … or to explain why it wasn’t a lie when a plan changed, even for the 18 year old.

But you
see, sometimes I think they are freer
and more healed than you and I are. Would I like them to be healed from the
things that make life difficult? Yes. But to be honest, I want to see myself
and other neuro-typical people I know to be healed from things that they are
doing or living in that make their lives difficult as well.  

Autism can be difficult
but so can all the things we do that get in the way of Jesus.
I believe God is using my boys’ autism to draw them (and me) closer to Jesus.
I must trust their futures into His hands
and know that, just like anyone else,
God has created them for a very special purpose.

On Christmas morning, 2018 Dana sent me the
following song that eight-year-old Benji had written that morning;

In the fiery furnace there are ropes around our hands.
God snaps them.
We are set free!

No one stops God’s hope.
God is so amazing.
God rules everything.
Hope is so amazing.

You can’t overrule God!
You’re His creation.
No one can stop God ‘cause He’s in Heaven and everywhere.
You are not God’s judge.
GOD IS YOUR JUDGE!

100% written by Benji Force
8 years old, Autistic and MID

How many ‘normal’ eight-year-olds have you heard
express the depth of the truth above?

• Why do we fight so hard against
  the will of God?
• Why do we think we are more
  intelligent than God? Have you read Job 28?
  • Has God asked you to be a Job?
  • A Daniel?
  • What about Jonah?
  • Has He asked you to be a “loser”
    in the eyes of other humans so He will receive great glory?
• Why do we even want something
  that God doesn’t want for us?

Psalm 63

“My Soul
Thirsts for You

A Psalm
of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah.

            1. O God, you are my God; earnestly
I seek you;
                        my soul thirsts
for you;
                       my flesh faints for
you,
                        as in a dry and
weary land where there is no water.

            2. So I have looked upon you in the
sanctuary,
                        beholding your
power and glory.

            3. Because your steadfast love is better than life,
                        my lips will
praise you.”

• Do you seek God to the point you
  thirst for Him?
• Can you honestly say having His
  love is better than life?
• For more on seeking God and His
  wisdom study Proverbs 2.

Philippians
4:

”Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in
whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know
how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of
facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”

• Are you yet at a place where you
  can say and truly mean you are content wherever He ordains to place you?
  Whoever He ordains you to be?
• Have you gone through enough
  suffering that you can say you have really been tested?

Do you want to be Refined?  The benefits are enormous – Read Romans 8

Read Heaven by Randy Alcorn
Joe, my husband, who presently walks a path towards death as he battles a
hideous disease, Multiple Systems Atrophy, has read the book Heaven. Joe says it has given him an
excitement, the ability to look forward to that day when he stands face to face
with Jesus.

Always remember, for those who have surrendered their lives to the Triune God, our walk on this earth is preparation for our time in heaven.

January 9, 2019 was Dana and Rory’s 20^th wedding anniversary. Below is a card which Jacob wrote his parents. I thought I would place it here because it shows the wonder of how the Triune God works in the heart and mind of one humans think of as disabled.

Dear Mom
and Dad,

I am so
glad that you two are celebrating 20 years of marriage…through thick and thin,
struggles and strife, you’ve stuck to it and I’m so absolutely positive God is
proud of you for sticking to both the marriage He wanted you to have and the
ministry He’s called you to serve.

Ecclesiastes
4:9 says, “Two are better than one for they have a good reward for their hard
work. “You two have fulfilled that verse to its completion in the fact that you
two have stuck together like…glue to an art project or like a stamp on an
envelope.

The verse goes on to say “if one of them falls the other can raise his partner up. But woe to him who falls and has no one to pick him up.” I hope you never find yourselves in that situation or place where you will have to go alone.

Jesus will never abandon you or your marriage as long as you stay faithful to Him. Marriage is such a wonderful thing and if we use it to HIS extent and not to our own advantage then we can still bring glory to Him no matter what the circumstance.

Well I could go on and on forever like this but for times sake I won’t. Happy anniversary Mom and Dad.

The Bible also says to rejoice. It literally says…and I quote… “Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again, rejoice!” Keep on rejoicing Mom and Dad. Happy Anniversary.

Love, Jake

Next post: A Perfect Imperfect Family