Mailbag: Why does a spouse cheat on their spouse who is a pastor? - Divorce Minister
My answer to this question really is the same answer I would give to someone who asked why their spouse cheated on them. It really is simple.
The cheater somewhere accepted an “excusing lie” that permitted them to cheat.
A lie was believed. The pastor’s spouse gave into a temptation (see James 1:13-15), and the evil inside became manifest outside through the sin of adultery (see Mark 7:21-23).
What do I mean by an “excusing lie?”
These are the sort of lies that say:
-You have sexual or romantic unmet needs. He isn’t giving them to you; so, it is okay to have them met by another man.
-You are special and cannot be expected to only have sex with one woman for my whole life (so, I don’t have to keep my marriage vows).
-God wants you to be happy. So, God is okay with it (namely, committing adultery).
You get the idea. It is some sort of “excuse” for doing the inexcusable–namely, committing adultery.
Pastors and pastor wives (or husbands) are not immune to these lies. In fact, I suspect a higher level of spiritual warfare rages around their marriages.
Evil delights in leaders falling and destroying a pastor’s marriage is a sure way to hurt him (or her) plus their congregation.
With all the anti-divorce, unbiblical prejudice, it makes sense that the demonic would target a good pastor in this way. The demonic can take him (or her) out by leading their spouse into adulterous sin. Ungodly leadership in the church will do the rest as far as removing the faithful spouse because of the divorce.
It is a sad but all too common story.
Pastor marriages do have more pressure on them. I am convinced of this.
However, the anatomy of adultery remains the same for all. Temptation leading to sin has not changed since biblical times, and this process is universal to humanity.
