Must a Church Girl Drop it Like a Thotty to Be Loved?

(Photo: Unsplash)

Queen B just released a song that centers around an important conversation that needs to be had. It’s called, “Church Girl.” This song appears to be the anthem of the church girls or Christian girls who no longer believe. Thus, they resign themselves to a lifestyle of those who do not believe and have become self-serving doing the best they can at an attempt for love by dropping it in the club and entertaining men, not for genuine love, but the exchange only of money for attention and potentially sex.

Interestingly, the song starts by sharing how the church girl has made so many strides moving mountains without a man. I interpret this to mean she’s been able to accomplish a lot within her life except for her desire for a God-honoring mutually respectful relationship. The church girl has been up and down in her emotions and in life. She has cried enough tears to have a river and she has become tired.

Tired of believing, hoping, and seeking a healthy relationship. She still goes to church and perhaps volunteers, but the negative mindset of unbelief for a healthy and God-honoring relationship for her has caused her to resign herself to the lifestyle of seeking only what is easily accessible—attention from men in the club based on the superficial only.

Beyonce confirms that this church girl ain’t trying to hurt nobody—she’s only doing the best that she can. My question is who told you that dropping it like a thotty and entertaining ungodly men is the best that you can do? Was it your experiences of being passed over by men of God? Is it because the worldly culture in many senses has gotten into the church where many men of God are looking for a girl who appears to be looser with her standards for a guaranteed fun sex life after marriage?

church girl
Photo by ali Shot80:

Single ladies, I’ve been single for many years too, and have seen and experienced the rejection that has become a norm toward church girls or women desiring to please God. The initial song by Twinkie Clark discusses the idea of wanting to be in the center of God’s will, but in Church Girl, all of that goes right out the window. Why is that? I believe it’s due to unbelief.

The unbelief festers within women of God causing them to come out of God’s will and who God has shaped them to be. But women of God do not have to stay there.

I’m not here to judge but to hopefully provide some relief to share that there is another way for the church girl to get the love she desires. We do not have to drop it like a thotty to be loved. I am a prime example of that. I have desired to do things God’s way and come up short for many years as it relates to love.

However, I abide in the hope which allows me to explore healthy relationships because my healthy boundaries or standards are clearly in place. Thus, my heart and body are protected when I explore love. Men know what type of a girl I am when they speak with me.

This prevents me from going through some crazy stuff. In a sense, I’ve remained covered and protected with a hopeful heart for love. When we do not believe we uncover ourselves as women.

The covered woman not only remains covered but she attracts a man of God who will mutually cover and protect her because he sees that she believes she is worth it. A woman who believes she is worth it will allow a man to cover her while one who doesn’t will uncover herself.

This is the road that following the church girl song will lead you down. You will become uncovered, used, disrespected, broken, and cold. It could lead to not even being able to recognize healthy love at some point because self-abuse has gone too far.

I think about Hagar in the Bible who was a maid servant to Sarah. She was within Sarah and Abraham’s house to complete a job. Her position was abused. She was used to bring Sarah and Abraham a child. This is a form of abuse or misuse.

The turmoil experienced in Hagar’s house caused her to run from the place of provision that she was initially there for. She set out pregnant with her baby in the wilderness wandering off to a place she did not know.

The Bible says that God sent an angel to speak with her asking her where she is going. She shared she did not know. She was simply running away from her employer Sarah. It had gotten too uncomfortable for Hagar as the tension between her and her employer Sarah grew.

God told her to go back to her employer’s house and submit to her. This would require Hagar to work through the abuse. God said I have seen your misery. God noted that it has been uncomfortable for her. He gave her a safe place to exhale and be seen, heard, and valued within her experience.

He gave her direction on naming her child and sharing a bit of what his personality would be like. This provided direction and prevented her from wandering in the desert as a pregnant woman with no provision on her own. In continuing to do so, she would have been uncovered, unprovided for with a baby to protect. It was not wise nor God’s best for her.

Scripture goes on to say that Hagar gave God a name, “ El Roi.” This means the God who sees me. She was no longer invisible. Someone saw her pain, the strides she attempted to make serving her master, and becoming broken in the process.

Like Hagar, many single women who have desired to please God have felt unseen, unnoticed, and looked over. Likewise, the church girl has only desired to be seen, touched, loved, and treated as a human. It’s become uncomfortable at times as a single woman, but not so much that we cannot work through it with God’s help and wisdom from others.

God sees us too! And we do not have to go the route of belittling ourselves to be seen by men who value us. God will provide us tools to establish healthy relationships with men and to enjoy the process of conversating with men who respect our standard to treat ourselves with respect. Likewise, the man who sees us respecting ourselves will also respect us and feel safe with us because we value ourselves so highly. In this, he will know that while he is at work taking care of the business, his wife will not be out wilding in the streets. Real mature men are attracted to women who respect themselves (See Proverbs 31:10-11.)

I’m not here to judge what is being shown on the exterior—the twerking, more revealing dress and the like. I’m here, like Christ, to provide open arms of love saying to come back to who you are. A woman who seeks to be within the center of Christ’s will.

Instead of giving up on having a healthy love within God’s will—consider tools that will assist you in having that type of love. Tools like putting yourself out there in healthy ways and maintaining your boundaries that make you healthy and whole within the process.

These are the types of things I teach in my writing and my new coaching program for single Christian women. I have not released the program yet as I have not had the capacity within my schedule and life in general, but one day it will be released.

In the meantime, consider getting a Christian dating coach who can provide the wisdom and direction needed to gain your heart’s desire without compromising who you are at the core. Or add yourself to my newsletter to receive my blogs when released and information about my books, courses, and coaching. When we compromise who we are at the core, we have to continue to do so to make any relationship birthed out of that compromise work.

Finally, there is a time and place for everything under the sun. If you desire to dance for your husband later after you get the ring—have at it! It’s honorable to share all of you with someone who truly values you. That’s the gentleman who deserves it—not a random in the club.


Editor's Picks