My Advice to Other Christians Facing Grief
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people” (Genesis 50:20 NLT).
Life Has Pain
The other day, Greg and I introduced our granddaughter, Lucy, to the movie The Princess Bride. We all laughed through it, right up to the happy ending. One line in particular—delivered with the best of black humor—cracked me up. The Man in Black, speaking to Princess Buttercup, says, “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
I think the line went over Lucy’s head, but it hit home for me. After all, those of us who have lived a few more years know just how painful life can be.
Most of Us Are Well-Versed in Grief
Helen Keller once shared, “We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world—the company of those who have known suffering.”
As sad as that sentiment may seem, it’s true: Most of us are well-versed in grief. But just like Joseph in Genesis 50, if we look, we can see how God brings light from even the darkest times. There’s wisdom and knowledge and hope to share. I certainly can’t pretend to know it all, but if there’s hope to come from my own hard seasons, I want to share what I’ve learned. If you’re in the company of the bereaved, perhaps these tips will help.
My Advice to Others Dealing with Grief
- Avoid the “what ifs.” When we lost Christopher, I had countless unanswered questions. These “what ifs” became my darkest fears. I had to refuse to indulge in that horrible exercise; it only took my focus and energy from the things I could do and kept me in a place of spiraling anxiety. By refusing to indulge, I shut the door to the enemy’s ways.
- Don’t feel guilty for any reprieves from grief. For Greg and me, grief came in waves: After times of sorrow came a bit of “blue sky.” Don’t feel guilty for those respites. They’re glimpses of God’s grace to you. Take them as gifts.
- Watch out for people, places, and things that might trigger a breakdown. Personally, I was triggered by certain songs. Even certain aisles in the grocery store, cereals that Christopher liked, and holidays during those early years. As much as I could, I avoided them. But when I had to face it, I filled my time with joyous things: serving others and focusing on Christ and His love for me.
- Find resources that help. Books, sermons, counseling, and grief groups are all great places to start. Learn from others who have walked down this road. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
- Be honest with your closest people. Find those who will sit with you in your grief and not make you be anything but yourself, no matter how broken you may feel.
- Most importantly, be honest with God. There’s no need to be “spiritual” and hide your honest, guttural cries. Just look at the Psalms—how often these men of God spoke honestly of their feelings to the Lord. We can do that, too. After all, the more we hide our emotions, the more they have a way of erupting when we least expect them to.
Whether you’re facing trials of grief or will be one day, we, the “company of the bereaved,” are here to support you, help you, sit with you, and pray with you. We are here to do life together. You are not alone!
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Cathe Laurie is the founder and director of the Virtue women’s ministry. She is also a featured speaker on The Virtue Podcast, at Harvest events, and the author of As I See It. You can find her weekly articles here on harvest.org.
