Notice how Christians expect faithful spouses to pursue but cheaters not?! - Divorce Minister

Skip to content

wpid-2015-10-16-09.28.58.jpg.jpeg

Plead with your mother, plead: for she is not my wife, neither am I her husband: let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts….

-Hosea 2:2, KJV

Have you ever noticed how quick Christians are to lay the burden of marriage restoration upon the adultery victim? 

Now, they might give a nod towards needing the cheater do “their part.” But my experience is that emphasis is upon the faithful spouse somehow saving what the other spouse has destroyed by their willful sins.

It is ludicrous!

Even the idea promoted here at Divorce Minister that the cheater needs to do the heavy lifting in restoring a marriage destroyed by said spouse’s sins is treated as a radical idea. It shouldn’t be. We call such heavy lifting by another name theologically:

REPENTANCE.

This sort of insanity spouted by far too many pastors and Christian leaders is often packaged with God-language. They point to how God died for us while we were still sinning–which is true–as justification for making it a mandate for adultery victims to pursue those who raped their souls. Such teaching is spiritual abuse, in my opinion.

It is a twisting of Scripture to enable sinners to continue sinning with no reference to the need for repentance–or even a cessation of the active sinning. Such teaches victims that God is uninterested in justice or even ending the abuse. I do not think either is even remotely true. Even God requires us to repent in order to be saved (e.g. Acts 2: 38)! 

The onus for pursuit after infidelity needs to be placed on the cheater. They are the ones who divided the relationship by allowing a third party to enter it. So, they are the ones that need to close the distance they thereby created by their sinful choices. That is repentance. Repentance is what God expects of a sinner who is seeking His will.

And to be clear:

A faithful spouse is not the one who needs to repent in this situation as demonstrated by pursuing the other spouse!

If it is too much to expect a cheater to pursue the faithful spouse, then you have your answer about whether the cheater is repentant–he or she is not! Other plans regarding the marriage ought to be encouraged and made…divorce plans, IMO.

And if one isn’t shy pushing a faithful spouse to share “their part”  and take action to “win back” the cheater, then I fail to see why it is so problematic for Christian leaders to apply such lines of questioning and expectations where it is properly placed–i.e. the cheater.

I am tired of pastors and Christian leaders putting the pressure on faithful spouses to “fix” infidelity-ravaged marriages while these same individuals are cowards as far as it comes to confronting the perpetrators of the actual infidelity!

Give

Subscribe to the Daybreak Devotions for Women

Be inspired by God's Word every day! Delivered to your inbox.


More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    New attention to looks! - Divorce Minister

    New attention to their appearance A telltale sign of cheating is a new found focus on one’s appearance. This might manifest via going on a diet, increased exercise routine, or changing hair colors and style. In and of itself, this does not equate to cheating. However, the motive behind these changes is worth considering. I … Continue reading "New attention to looks!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater's. - Divorce Minister

    Public Service Announcement(PSA): Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s individual therapist.* If this therapist was half competent, they would not even agree to work on you as a couple. They would recognize that they naturally would be biased against you, the faithful spouse. Plus, do you really want the therapist who was present through … Continue reading "PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s."

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay! - Divorce Minister

    “I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.” -I Corinthians 5:11, NLT One of the many pains associated with discovering … Continue reading "No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Overflow from the heart - Divorce Minister

    21 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from inside and defile a person. -Mark 7:21-23, NIV Cheating did not happen overnight. An idea was planted. The Cheater watered it, and it produced the rotten … Continue reading "Overflow from the heart"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    So, so many lies! - Divorce Minister

    “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” -John 8:43b, NIV What was true? Was anything? So many lies come out of the mouths of Cheaters. The spoken … Continue reading "So, so many lies!"

    2 min read

Editor's Picks

More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    New attention to looks! - Divorce Minister

    New attention to their appearance A telltale sign of cheating is a new found focus on one’s appearance. This might manifest via going on a diet, increased exercise routine, or changing hair colors and style. In and of itself, this does not equate to cheating. However, the motive behind these changes is worth considering. I … Continue reading "New attention to looks!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater's. - Divorce Minister

    Public Service Announcement(PSA): Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s individual therapist.* If this therapist was half competent, they would not even agree to work on you as a couple. They would recognize that they naturally would be biased against you, the faithful spouse. Plus, do you really want the therapist who was present through … Continue reading "PSA: Use a different therapist than your Cheater’s."

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay! - Divorce Minister

    “I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.” -I Corinthians 5:11, NLT One of the many pains associated with discovering … Continue reading "No, hanging out with Cheater is NOT okay!"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Overflow from the heart - Divorce Minister

    21 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23 All these evils come from inside and defile a person. -Mark 7:21-23, NIV Cheating did not happen overnight. An idea was planted. The Cheater watered it, and it produced the rotten … Continue reading "Overflow from the heart"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    So, so many lies! - Divorce Minister

    “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” -John 8:43b, NIV What was true? Was anything? So many lies come out of the mouths of Cheaters. The spoken … Continue reading "So, so many lies!"

    2 min read