Preparing for Marriage
But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. -- I Corinthians 7:9
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul spoke to the church in Corinth about the principles of marriage. He said that it is not good for a man to have sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage. Due to the temptations of sexual immorality, he recommended that each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. Both husband and wife should please each other in the bedroom and not deny each other. When a person becomes married, their bodies belong to each other, and they are no longer separate. He advised that it is not good to deprive each other of pleasure and satisfaction, unless they have agreed to do so for a short period of time. This may happen in instances where one or both parties decide to abstain for the purpose of fasting. Outside of these agreements, Paul felt that denying each other can lead to temptation and sin due to lack of self control. He spoke about some of his thoughts concerning marriage, that he wished that others could remain like him. He was single and devoted solely to God, but he acknowledged that everyone had a different gift and calling.
Paul suggested that widows who were unmarried could remain single as he was. If however they cannot exercise self control, then they should get married, as it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To those who are married, the wife should not separate from her husband. If she did leave her husband, then she should remain single or be reconciled to her husband and the husband should not leave his wife. If a brother has a wife who is an unbeliever who is happy to stay with him, then he should not divorce her. The same was recommended for a woman whose husband is an unbeliever. “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” (1 Corinthians 7:14) This recommendation relates to instances where people were already married and one partner becomes born again. It is not recommended that someone who is born again should marry someone who is unsaved in an effort to sanctify them.
Paul addressed Christians marrying unbelievers or being unequally yoked in 2 Corinthians 6:14. He warned against this as it’s like mixing darkness when light as this will result in disagreements and incompatibility. He said that for a couple already married and one person becomes saved and the unsaved partner wishes to separate, then they are allowed to. In these cases the brother or sister is not enslaved as God has called us to peace. “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:16) Paul was saying that the believer has a responsibility to pray for their spouse, consecrate them, set an example that will lead them to Christ. Many believers have won their spouses to Christ, by setting an example of love and the transformational power of Jesus Christ. The salvation mandate is spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ, to everyone in our sphere of influence. This is especially important for the unsaved spouse whose soul needs to be won for Christ.
Although Paul was never married, he had instructions to the church regarding the relationship between husbands and wives. One of Paul’s main messages was about submission in marriage, which is a controversial subject for some women. Submission is not dominance, manipulation, control or coercion which are all forms of emotional abuse. The understanding of submission as it relates to the husband loving himself, as Christ loves the church in a sacrificial show of affection, is what Paul was referring to. As the husband submits to God and remains under His authority and then the wife will be able to submit as she sees Christ’s example of love and sacrifice in him. A woman who is fully submitted to God will not struggle with submitting to a godly man. God will often speak through her husband words of wisdom and correction, if she is humble enough to listen and yield. A godly man who is submitted to God will win a woman’s heart and allow her to feel safe and protected.
It is important for single people who desire to be married to work on preparing their hearts for marriage. Understanding yourself in terms of your values, goals and desires will help you to identify the right partner to help you to fulfil your God given assignment. Marriage must align with God’s will and purpose for your life and trusting that God will act on the desires of your heart. Pre-marital counseling is a requirement to help couples to come to a common understanding about goals, values and ideals about building a godly home and family. This should be with a trained counsellor over a number of sessions to prepare adequately. Married couples should also have counseling at times to resolve conflicts and to strengthen their marriage during difficult times. God’s desire for marriage is good, to establish order in our society and to raise godly children who will advance the kingdom.
Questions for Reflection:
1. What are some things that you learned growing up about marriage?
2. What do you believe is God’s primary purpose for marriage?
3. How can the church support families to build and maintain strong and healthy relationships?
