Releasing the Need for Perfection - Grit & Grace
Perfectionism is a poison that pretends to be a vitamin.
I have stopped and started this post several times. Sure, I can blame a few things – distraction, busyness, procrastination.
I know the biggest culprit, though.
Perfectionism.
I mean, in order for me to write, it’s got to be a certain way. It’s also got to be a certain topic, appeal to a certain audience, have a certain word count, and so on and so forth, ad nauseam.
Hello writer’s block.
It turns out that writer’s block for me isn’t really writer’s block. It’s just me getting bogged down in perfectionism.
And by the way, getting bogged down in perfectionism isn’t just a part of my writing. It tries to weasel its way into everything I do.
I know what you’re thinking. “What’s wrong with wanting to do things the right way?”
Absolutely nothing.
But when my desire for perfection becomes a need for perfection, it wreaks havoc on my expectations, which leads to bitterness and resentment, which in turn wreaks havoc on my relationship with myself and others.
“Every expectation is resentment waiting to happen.” Anne Lamott
This quote has so resonated with me. I heard it during one of our most recent The Enneagram Journey sessions. My friends at The Enneagram Workshop have been hosting this course, and it has been such a breath of fresh air. My daughter and I have been traveling through this recent leg of our Enneagram journey together, which has been a great opportunity for some one-on-one time with my teen.
This course has taught me so much about myself and others. My goal in taking the class was to gain a deeper appreciation, understanding, and compassion for others who see and respond to life differently than I do. That objective has been more than met. I’ve also gained a deeper appreciation, understanding, and compassion for myself and how I see and respond to life.
Giving me eyes to see.
As a Type 1 Perfectionist and Reformer, here are some of the ways I see and respond to life:
- there is an inner critic that is constantly berating me harshly.
- because of this, I have a general feeling of not being worthy or good enough.
- my judging and comparing mind searches for perfection, what “should” and “must” be.
- my search for perfection does not mean I’m looking for flaws. I kind of just see them. They stick out to me, and I can’t NOT see them.
- I LOVE to-do lists.
- I see things in black and white, with little to no gray.
- being afraid of making mistakes, I procrastinate.
There’s that word procrastinate again.
I always thought of my procrastination as laziness. Although that may be what’s behind it occasionally, when I strip it all away, it’s fear that usually drives it. The fear of messing up, of making mistakes, of not being good enough.
What would it look like to release the need for perfection?
What would that give me space for?
Writing prompts are helpful for me. They help bring order to a sometimes muddled and disordered thought life.
I don’t know if I can fully answer the questions above. I guess I’m still working on those answers. Releasing the need for perfection starts with recognizing that it is unattainable. Being perfect is not a task I am meant to achieve. It is not my burden to carry. That makes for a far more peaceful and less resentful, more graceful and grace-filled Becky.
This has made space for incredible freedom in my life. See, if a person does not need to be perfect to be good, then that person can surrender their compulsive need for perfection. My goodness can not and never will come from my being perfect, which is not a goal I can meet anyway, so I don’t have to try to be perfect anymore.
My need for perfection has been refined, and in its place a desire for excellence has been revealed. A desire that was knit within me by the only perfect one; by the one who thought that desire was a good great idea, and worthy to be loved.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8
Sweet glorious freedom.
Grit and grace.
Are you a perfectionist? Do you love excellence?
What are some ways you have released that need for perfection?
Becky is a Miami native, and has lived here all of her life. Married to her husband for over 20 years, they lead a very active lifestyle along with their three teenagers and Riley, their rescue dog. Becky loves to teach, and has had the awesome privilege of home educating her children for over twelve years. When not teaching academics, Becky loves to equip, encourage, and empower women through the teaching of her group fitness classes. Becky and her husband lead various ministries, and their family loves to serve the community through the countless opportunities provided over the past twenty years+ in their local church. She enjoys filling her “free” time with reading, writing, watching movies, and just spending time with the family. Becky has a passion for living her life with grit and grace, and encouraging others to do the same.
