Sex Before Marriage — Ami Loper

The following is from the monthly column I write for the His Favor Ministries Newsletter! This Q&A column will answer all kinds of theological and life questions and is titled, “Ponderings of the Heart.” If you’d like to see more from His Favor, click HERE.

Below, is another entry! I hope you enjoy it and if you would like to send a question in, send it to either amiloper@gmail.com or info@hisfavorministries.com

Dear Ami,

Does the Bible explicitly prohibit sex before marriage?  I believe that Biblical sexual purity means abstinence before marriage, but my cousin brought up this issue as a challenge, and he uses it to justify premarital sex.

Signed, Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

There are about eleven Greek words used in the New Testament to indicate sexual immorality. In some verses, Paul use more than one of these words, so we know he is speaking of the full range of sexually immoral practices (see Romans 13:13, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Colossians 3:5).

These words range in definition from lust (an overmastering desire), to prostitution, to licentiousness (going beyond what you are licensed to do), making it clear that any sexual activity outside marriage is unlawful.

And if we are willing to step back and look at the character of God and not just try to figure out what the legalities are, there are major insights we see.

First, we see a God who is, Himself, a Lover. And this love is exclusive. We are called to love God with an undivided heart, not giving ourselves away to any other. There is a reason why, in the Hebrew, the Greek and English, there is a very close linguistic relationship between "idolatry" and "adultery." Not only are these words linguistically linked, there are linked morally.

That leads to the second thing we see: God is all about covenant. Not having a covenant equals not having rights or relationship or honor. Marriage is covenant and a picture of the covenant God wants with us. (Check out my free eBook on Covenant, the language of God, HERE.)

Third, love is not about taking; it is about giving. Without the covenant relationship of marriage, sex turns into an opportunity to get what you want and leave responsibility out of the equation. It is selfish. And the heart of God despises that kind of selfishness. Love is always intended to be a reflection of God - to show who He is. Uncovenanted love doesn't reflect Him at all.

This standard, like many other commands of Scripture, is for believers. Although sex outside of marriage is still fraught with risks and pains for non-believers, it is a standard so challenging that maintaining it without the Holy Spirit is a big ask. As believers, we need to hold God’s standard without expecting non-Christians to act like Christians.

When talking to another believer about a sexual relationship, it is important to remember that there is a heart connection once sex enters the picture and it may be exceedingly painful to admit they are in a sinful relationship. Obviously, use compassion and tact.  Ask if the person has prayed about it. The Holy Spirit's gentle conviction can do more in 10 seconds than endless debates!

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality…” 1 Thessalonians 4:3

Are you struggling with loneliness? Make sure you pick up the free resource, “Where’s God in Times of Loneliness,” my article that was first published in Relevant! Magazine. Click here to subscribe and gain access to the Free Resources Library.

And to read my blog about control our mind when it repeatedly tries to ruminate on past pain, check out the blog titled, “Preening the Beast”!