Sexual Addiction
I am promoted to touch this subject of sex addiction for two main reasons really, one to raise awareness, the other reason being to provide a tiny insight into, what is sex addiction.
It is vital to remember and to be aware that sex or any kind of addiction does not discriminate, regardless whether you have faith or not any kind of addiction can still raise it’s ugly head. Whether it’s porn, drugs, alcohol or shopping. It is also important to understand and support those who are suffering from any type of addiction, no matter how trivial or funny that addiction may seem to you.
When we look at sex addiction, essentially we are looking at any pattern’s of out-of-control sexual behaviour, behaviours that are negative and have significant impacts on a person’s life. It is a repeated pattern of behaviour that an individual cannot stop, or behaviours that continues to resurface in a persons life.
This behaviour comes in many forms, which can have a devastating impact on the lives of those with addiction. As well as the lives of those who connected, care or depend upon the individual.
There are several different types of sex addiction, with some being more dangerous and more damaging than others. It is important to realise that when done in moderation, the behaviors listed below may not be an addiction. When behaviours are done compulsively or obsessively it is then, that they become a problem.
Here are the main categories of sex addiction:
- Anonymous sex: being drawn to someone simply because he or she is a stranger; treating that person as a conquest and not an actual partner.
- Fantasy sex: spending an excessive amount of time and energy engaged in sexual fantasies, particularly with a partner who is flawless. These intense fantasies often interfere with developing any kind of intimacy with a partner.
- Paid sex: allows a sex addict to have practically unlimited stream of sexual partners. Sex addicts are drawn to the possibility of constant sexual stimulation as well as the excitement of participating in secret or illegal activity. Paid sex also includes participating in phone sex.
- Voyeurism: spying on unsuspecting individuals using binoculars, a hidden camera or telescope. Voyeurism is a common form of sex addiction that also includes going to peep shows or viewing pornographic materials.
- Intrusive sex: touching or rubbing up against someone in a sexual manner without their consent.
- Exploitative sex: engaging in sexual activity with vulnerable people such as children or disabled individuals. The sex addict obtains pleasure from the power that he or she has over the victim.
- Seductive sex: treating another person as a conquest. Those who participate in seductive sex are gratified by charming or coercing others into participating in sexual activity. The addict may engage in several relationships simultaneously and is addicted to the thrill of the chase and the conquest.
- Exhibitionism: flashing genitalia and receiving gratification from the reactions of others. This may include being part of a peep show or stripping in a club. This is a risky form of sex addiction because of the constant possibility of being caught.
- Trade sex: offering sex to others for pay or other compensation, such as drugs. Sex addicts may feel a sense of power for being able to charge others for sex.
This is not an easy subject to approach and we have barley scratch the surface, what I will say to those of you who may be reading this. Knowing you are struggling with or have been effected by addiction, you are not alone.
There are many others who are experiencing the same struggle as you, in and outside of the church environment. Many of you may have tried to battle sex addiction on your own or not finished therapy. I encourage you to seek advice and support for yourself and family.(contact us for support)
We are called to Follow Christ’s example, which means we must not shout down and judge our wounded, those suffering with addiction, but instead let them know there is hope and freedom. We need to show compassion and understanding, to help the individuals have accountability, honesty, and support.
In Christ you are a new creation and its with this promise that you have made the decision to explore the issues you currently face with your addiction 2 Cor 5:17 (NIV). By doing so you’ve have just taken the biggest step in moving forward with your life to live in God’s promise. Sex is a normal pleasurable experience, however when the pleasure becomes obsessive you no longer function in everyday life. Our work together would be to identify these compulsive behaviours and develop the skills to thrive in healthy, pleasurable behaviours that God has designed and created just for you.
If you are struggling with addiction or would like to speak to one of our trained counsellors, please contact angela@lifeessenceuk.org or call 07564117849
I recently published a podcast with Hazel where we discussed Hazel experience and journey with Alcohol addiction. We discussed her lowest points and how she has been able to beat addiction and go on to support and lead others to their road of recovery.
Psalms 30:1-3:
“I will exalt you, Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit.”
Psalms 107:19-20:
“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.”
Jeremiah 17:14:
“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”
Jeremiah 29:12-13:
“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Zechariah 9:12:
“Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.”
Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Mark 5:34:
“He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.’”
James 5:15-16:
“And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
James 4:10:
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”
Revelation 21:3-4:
“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death” or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’”
