Should I prioritize my marriage or ministry

Our priorities changed when we got married. Those serving in the ministry would notice that you were always on the go for whatever your church leaders asked you to do before. 

Once you get into a marital relationship, you sometimes have to back out and say “no.”

What should go first? Is it my marriage or my ministry?

Some pastors and church leaders are sometimes caught in a dilemma, especially if their spouses do not understand the ministry they are involved in. 

If you did not know how to prioritize between your marriage and ministry, one would be sacrificing while you are working on the other.

Understanding priorities in biblical perspective

First, we must understand the five priorities that God gives us Christians regardless of what ministry we are involved in. 

Here are the five priorities we should remember based on the Biblical perspective.

God first

God made us to worship and have communion with Him. 

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” - Matthew 6:33

Above all things, in everything we do and say, God must be the first one we should think of. He is the primary purpose why we exist, and we are for him. 

Putting God first means always considering Him before anything and anyone else. 

Do we please Him? Are we spending time with Him first before doing our mundane tasks? Have you thanked Him before going to work or school or doing His ministry?

Moreover, we put God first by obeying His commands more than our desires. It is about choosing to walk in righteousness before anything else. 

Thus, God would give us everything we need as we prioritize Him first over everything.

Family

Not all people have been given the gift of celibacy like Apostle Paul. He has all his time for the works of the Lord, unlike other people with a family. 

God designed marriage and family, and it should be our second priority. 

Genesis 1:28 says, “And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the sea fish, the birds of the heavens, and every living thing that moves on the earth.”

Nevertheless, we are given the wrong concept about spending time doing the ministry in the church before having quality time with our families at home.

Serving the Lord does not only mean going to the church and being involved in the mission. 

When you provide for your family's needs, it is also an act of service to God.

1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

For God’s servants, it is challenging to encourage our wives or family members to love God if we have more time in the ministry. 

You might lose them if we would not show them that we value them over serving or volunteering in the church.

Church

God calls our family to serve in the church. Sometimes, because of too much work to provide for our family's needs, we neglect the priority of service to God’s church.

While not everyone can be pastors, deacons, or Sunday school teachers, God wants everyone to participate in His local Church. 

As we are all part of one body, we have different ways of serving in the church. Some are leaders while others are involved in music, cleaning, ushering, etc.’

Country

Soldiers are not the only ones called to serve and love their country. Even ordinary Christ-followers like us could serve our fellowmen by being Jesus’ hands and feet to them. 

We should be peacemakers in our nation and should not hesitate to help and serve others, just Jesus Christ. He did not choose whom to help and heal, even the unclean woman. 

Work

Since God created us to be workers, our physical and mental health are designed for work. However, this should be our last priority among all other priorities. 

Some are too worried about their need to put their work over God and their family. They even neglect to serve in their local churches because of too much workload. 

However, God promised those who seek Him first that He would give them everything they need.

Thus, we should not worry about our needs, for the Lord shall supply all our needs according to His riches in heaven.

There would be a lot of negative impacts when we put our work above everything.

Marriage first before ministry

Now that we have identified our priorities, we can see that God wants us to prioritize our spouse before being involved in His ministry. 

Moreover, when you prioritize your marriage, you are strengthening your ministry. Your marriage is the window of the Gospel. Every Christian marriage is an image and platform for the Gospel. 

As for husbands, the Bible told them to love their wives as Jesus loved the church, His bride. Yet, Jesus never told us to love His bride more than our “own bride.”

On the other hand, wives should submit to their husbands. They should respect and consider them before doing the ministry. 

Some Christian wives struggle with this aspect, especially if their husbands are unbelievers. 

Additionally, your unbeliever spouse thinks they must compete with Jesus himself if you cannot balance your time in your marriage and ministry. 

Thus, working on your marriage to make it healthy is one of the most practical forms of discipleship we can give to the people we love. 

The more we empower our their relationship, the more we can strengthen our ministries and families.

Marriage is part of your ministry

God does not want you to have an unhealthy marriage while you are so active in the ministry of His church. 

“For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?” (1 Timothy 3:5).

A healthy marriage gives you the motivation and the power to do your work in God’s ministry. 

As for pastors, they become more effective if they see their wives smiling while listening to their sermons.

The same is true for volunteers or workers in the church. They are more effective in their tasks when they understand their spouses well. 

Furthermore, you are emotionally hydrated to the works in the ministry if you have a healthy marriage.  On the other hand, they could not be effective in their ministry if their marriage is broken.

Neglecting your marriage for ministry

Are you protecting your marriage from your ministry by prioritizing your spouse over your church?

If not, you are putting your marriage in danger. It could be one of satan’s schemes to tell lies that you should go and serve in the ministry while neglecting your responsibility to your spouse. 

Satan is very deceitful, we might think God is pleased, but if our marriage is suffering, we might need to evaluate ourselves.

If we put ministry over our marriage, we practice a dangerous form of discipleship. We might be winning souls but losing our marriage or spouse. 

God would not be pleased if our marriage suffers at home while we are so active in the church.

We must need God’s wisdom and ask Him to help us win our spouse so we can freely enjoy our work in the ministry. 

If your spouse is an unbeliever, surrender their heart to God while you do your responsibilities to them.