Simple Encouragement to be a Godly Wife to Your Husband (from Proverbs 31) - Be Whole, Mom

Do you understand what it looks like to be a godly wife to your husband?  I sure know I didn’t when we got married over 14 years ago!  I was pretty disastrous when it comes to treating my husband kindly.  Praise be to God, though, He has taught me so much throughout the time!

Years ago I read through Darlene Schacht’s book, Messy Beautiful Love (affiliate link).  Today I want to discuss some points in chapter fourteen, “Walk in Virtue According to Wisdom.”

I hope you are ready to be challenged and encouraged to diligently work towards becoming the wife God desires you to be.  Let’s zero in like a laser on the Proverbs 31 model.  Decide today who you will serve (Joshua 24:15).

Let’s go.

The Blessing of a Quiet Tongue…

Living in glory and virtue says that our lives, our choices, and our conduct will be lined up with the principles laid out in the Bible, not the messages that society is tossing our way.”  ~ Darlene Schacht, author

On one of our first moves as a travel trailer family, Yahweh saw fit to test me in my tongue control.

You see, it has been apparent to me for some time that my husband and I think differently.   And, also, we see things differently almost all of the time.

Basically, this means that we have to be that much more diligent in working on both good communication skills, and offering grace and patience to each other daily.

This latest road trip was no different.

Things were going very well, but then it started to get later into the evening.  Of course, we needed to stop for gas.

If you have never pulled a trailer with your vehicle, one thing you learn really quickly is that seemingly simple things can become a big problem if the right conditions are not in place.

In order to fill up the tank with our very long pull set-up, we ideally need a gas station that is specifically set up to accommodate us.  Usually highways are full of these, but this evening, we could not find what we needed for an ideal gas session.

My husband was sure that our trailer would be just fine pulling through a larger gas station.  I, however, wasn’t so sure.

He did an initial walk through of the station, determined the turn radius would be okay, and began the maneuver to pull into the pump spot.  He filled with no problem, but the difficult part was yet to come.  I was nervous and on edge.

“Do you want me to stand nearby to guide you out of the spot?” I asked him, anxiously.

He confidently waved me away, so I got into our follow car and pulled ahead to wait for him to turn out.

He began the maneuver and set to turn out of the spot, but one pump over another driver had decided to make her own maneuver.  This driver, driving backwards, maneuvered back into a handicapped spot directly next to our van just as my husband was pulling out.

She had no intention of waiting for him to stop, and simply just went along her merry way, directly in the path of our van.

My husband saw her coming, so he backed up the trailer and van (a big no-no with certain hook-ups) to try to get out of her path, which he was successful in doing.  She got herself all parked and settled without issue.

But then my husband began to pull out once more, this time, however, on a different turn radius then before.  And, it took all of 3 seconds before he hit right into the gas pump!  The initial smack was minimal, but as he drove forward the pump handle and hose was ripped away from the machine.  The damage was clear on both the pump and our trailer.  We had officially had an accident in the gas station!

Faith says I’m going to put my trust in Him whether it feels like I’m walking on glass or soaking my feet at the spa.” ~ Darlene Schacht, author

My whole body went numb.  I was ready for the worst, and literally bit my lip to keep my mouth closed tight.

Anger, frustration, and annoyance were hitting me hard, but I knew that my husband was going to be feeling just as many emotions, too.

I approached my husband cautiously to see what damage had been done, but approached with even more caution the words I chose to put into his heart.  We have been married for over a decade…I know my husband very well.  He can really struggle with self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy.  And, I did not want to add to his already obvious burden.

I prayed for the wisdom to handle this problem in a Holy, loving manner.

And God provided me the encouragement to simply be silent and still.  It helped…a LOT.

Long story shorter, the damage was minimal to both the pump and our trailer, but the damage to our marriage was non-existent.  There had been plenty of opportunity for shoulda, coulda, woulda’s to hit the airways, but God’s wisdom encourages a quiet tongue for His people, especially in the face of fear and frustration. 

Thankfully, I had been the happy benefactor of this wisdom in the heat of the moment.

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” ~ Proverbs 31: 12

Problems come along with the journey of life.  And, we are called to act with wisdom, not flesh as the struggles come.  The faithwalk is can be quite difficult.

Your husband is human, and full of error, both from sin, but also from simply just being human.

Accidents happen, and it is wisdom that reveals to us the best course of action to not break down those around us, but to build them up as the days go by.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

The Proverbs 31 model helps to show us a woman who uplifted her husband regularly, but makes no mention of any perfect man as the object of her affections.  It just simply focuses on her side of the relationship.

She used her tongue wisely and carefully, because she understood that her words had effects (good or bad).

She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” ~ Proverbs 31: 26

The fact is that this woman understood her own flawed nature.  She realized that she was not perfect, and neither was anyone else, but that all of our imperfections are what God uses to bring Himself glory!  They are our greatest asset for the Kingdom of God, if we let them be.

You’re going to make mistakes.  Your husband is going to make mistakes.  But, it is His grace to accept that reality and then hand over the reigns of control to Him (for His Name’s sake).

I could have really let out all my emotions and unleashed them all over my husband, but it would have profited me nothing.  It only would have added fuel to the fire of the moment, instead of calming things down and letting the embers fade away.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” ~ Proverbs 15: 1

The biggest Truth that the Holy Spirit continued to speak to me throughout that whole encounter was that God was allowing this trouble for our triumph and His glory, but I had to walk in accordance with Him and not my own way if I wanted to experience the victory with Him.

Sweet Sister, Be Strong in the Lord

It is not always easy to trust our Abba in the middle of life’s difficulties and trials.  But, it is essential to our growth as His people.  You can succeed as a godly wife, even if your husband is far from obedient to Him.

It is always essential to focus on your own obedience and your own walk, rather than spend your time pointing fingers at the faults and failures of others.

Taking this single Truth to heart will no doubt be revolutionary in your Walk as a faithful servant of Yahweh.

When difficulties come to surface this week, hold your tongue and seek out our Abba for the wisdom to handle the trouble of the moment.  He will help to lead you down paths of righteousness and give you the words, if any, that need to be said.

Be strong, sweet sister, and take your tongue captive to make it serve you well.

Shalom.

What is one troublesome experience you have had that taught you to trust Yahweh more and more?