Sunday DV Bible Study #2: Husbands Love Your Wives and DO NOT Be Harsh With Them - The DV Walking Wounded
TOPIC: “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” – Colossians 3:19
Colossians 3:19 from the English Standard Version (ESV) of the Bible states, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” This verse is often cited to emphasize the biblical teaching on the proper treatment of spouses within the context of marriage. The instruction for husbands to love their wives is a fundamental principle in Christian theology that reflects the idea of selfless, sacrificial love.
The verse encourages husbands to treat their wives with love and kindness, explicitly stating that they should not be harsh with them. This guidance aligns with the broader biblical teachings that emphasize the importance of love, respect, and mutual submission within marriage. It communicates the idea that God’s design for marriage involves a relationship characterized by love, understanding, and consideration for one another.
By instructing husbands not to be harsh with their wives, the verse implicitly condemns abusive behavior. Abuse goes against the principles of love, respect, and kindness that are central to the Christian understanding of marriage. Therefore, proponents of the idea that “God hates abuse” may point to verses like Colossians 3:19 as evidence that mistreatment of spouses is inconsistent with biblical teachings on marriage. It promotes the idea that God’s plan for marriage is based on love, mutual respect, and the well-being of both partners.
Please don’t mistake what is being said in this scripture, it does not necessarily lean only toward physical abuse. Coercive control is folded in that verse too. Anything that makes a victim feel attacked is suspect.
Where “God fearing” abusers are concerned, they will defend their abuse by trying to “discipline” or “reign in” an unruly spouse by their actions. Husbands are to be the household head and the religious/spiritual leader of the family, according to the Bible. But unlike our benevolent God, abusers show no benevolence or understanding. Their interpretation of this passage is clearly and emphatically WRONG. My Abuser stated that he did all things out of love of me. What he did to me and against me was never love, it was just evil and pure meanness. He was rarely sorry, made me feel as though I was “too far gone,” and then minimalized it or pretended it didn’t happen. People come together for a common good, and we never “came back together,” unless I threatened to remove myself from the equation — and then not for long and the abuse only got more severe. God gave me a thinking brain and I KNEW that this treatment of me was not right and I did not deserve to endure it. While God appreciates selflessly suffering for the betterment of the greater good, He also does not want us to constantly take abuse that is unceasing. He gave us the good sense to know right from wrong. Many of us stay in the relationship due to obligation and fear. That is NOT what holy marriage should be based on.
It was when I spoke to the priest at my church about the abuse, that it dawned on me. No disrespect to the priest, he was interpreting the Scripture verbatim, although had NEVER been married himself. He instructed me to pray harder, be more forgiving, and go back to my [then] husband and be a better wife. Being a better wife meant that my Abuser was going to kill me. I asked God for forgiveness for giving up, but to light my way to freedom if that was His Will. He certainly did light my way. I was preparing to leave because I did love myself, as God instructed I should (love me), so I was trying to prevent my Abuser from killing me. Sadly, he tried anyway, but God saved me!
If you like the graphic above, visit http://www.DivineCrosses.com/ to order your own. I am going to purchase one just as soon as I can! They’re all so beautiful and you will want them ALL! Anything handcrafted and with as much love as these crosses are, are definitely of God! (HINT: Wonderful Christmas gift ideas!!!)
Love and light and peace! <3
